Three Ways To Reject Entitlement and Reclaim a Heart of Abundance

I’ve never seen barns so full while hearts are so empty.Never believed one could have everything and nothing at the same time.Yet they do.We do.  

Scarcity is all around us.In the middle of a field of crops so big and wide and deep, souls everywhere are starving, empty, hopeless.

I see it in our schools.I see it in our communities.I see it in our homes.

Hearts that scream,

I want…

I need…

I deserve…

Only the best…

Give me now…

We have so much, yet we are filled so little.Like God’s telling us time and again that the only thing worth filling our souls with is the infinite presence of His love.The gift of Himself.

Most of us are less concerned with His presence and more concerned with His presents.

We are.We have become entitled. And it’s not just our kids.We grownups want to be happy, we are driven to be happy. We think the phrase, ‘happiness is next to Godliness’ is somewhere in the Bible and we settle our hearts on a never-ending claim to possess it, meanwhile throwing out any notion of searching for, leaning in, clinging on, to the One thing that will speak to us the truth .His truth.His directions for how we should live, love, lead, and work.

We merely cry out for Him to bless our mess.

And we wonder why our hearts are empty.We wonder why we don’t experience the abundance we desire so much.

Beloved, there is a difference between knowing who Christ is in our heads and knowing who He is as the Savior and Lord of our hearts.Do we even know what Lordship means?Do our kids?

We want the kinship without the Kingship.The rights of salvation without the responsibility of salvation.The life of entitlement without the way of the cross.

We live lives of abundance, but our hearts are often barren, scarce.Entitlement robs us of faith and leaves us emptied of soul and spirit.

Here are three ways we can reject entitlement in our hearts and our homes, and fill our lives with hope, abundance, and most of all peace.

Discipline our minds with truth.

We must learn to filter the thoughts in our minds that tell us lies about who we are or what we deserve.Minds filled with truth recognize our pitiful position as well as our desperate need for our Father.Minds filled with truth leave us both humbled and grateful for every good gift that comes our way.

The truth is,

I want, but I don’t need…

I need, but I can trust His hand and His timing…

I don’t deserve anything but eternal separation from God…

Only my best, is what I desire to give God and give others…

My soul waits upon the Lord.He is faithful…

2 Cor 10:5 (NIV) tells us that, We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Phil 4:8 (NIV) adds, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

To read more about what will fill us, read, The Only Remedy For the Hole Inside Our Hearts!

Fuel our destiny with responsibility.

We have robbed our children of their God-given destiny because, in our efforts to remove their struggle, we have removed their responsibility.

We all need responsibility.Personal responsibility.We need to understand directly the consequences of our actions and feel the fire that is sparked when the work of our hands meets God’s cadence and divine destiny awakens in every cell of our being.

That, my friends, is exciting!Passion and purpose rarely strike like lightning out of nowhere.They are cultivated, nurtured, like the five virgins who carefully and wisely prepared their lamps for the Bridegroom to arrive. (Matt 25:1-13)

How are you nurturing your destiny?Are you sitting back, waiting for destiny to greet you at your door, are you blaming others for its seeming delay, or are you preparing for its arrival with hard work, faithfulness, diligence and perseverance?

Do whatever is in front of you today.  Do it well. Give God your best and your destiny will be blessed and bountiful.

Col 3:23-24 (NIV) teaches, Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Infuse our hearts with gratitude.

A grateful heart is an abundant heart.Hearts that grumble and complain are never happy.Eyes that envy and seek their own satisfaction are rarely ever satisfied.

Wherever you are today, you can claim abundance.Want to be full?Start by listing the things for which you are grateful.Want to be rich?Start by thanking God for His gracious blessings in your life.

Do it and see what happens.

1 Thess 5:18 (NIV) encourages us to, Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I see God reclaiming His people.I see Him pouring Himself in us and through us.I see us becoming His hands and feet to the world around us right where we are, doing His will with whatever and whoever is in front of us.I see chains being broken and lives being changed.Hearts redeemed.

I see a storehouse filled to overflowing with God’s spirit.I see barns and businesses, homes and hopes, alive, awakened…abundant.I see His presence moving in and through us like never before.

Will you believe it with me?Will you cast aside entitlement?Will you join me in rediscovering the Biblical mindset of truth, responsibility, and gratitude?  Will you help pass it down to our children?

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

How to Walk Away From Your Pain, and Embrace a Life of Peace

It was the tipping point. The beginning of the fall. No, it wasn’t a crash, a sudden impact dive that you didn’t see coming. I saw this coming. I could feel it making its way toward me and yet, I was entirely helpless to stop it.

It was a slow, distinct unraveling. That moment where you can feel the wheels teetering ever so slightly out of balance until the whole thing comes unhinged. My heart, that is.

This was the season of my undoing.

I was quite certain I had never planned for this. My life was a well-structured agenda of fortitude, perseverance, accomplishments. They needed me in some misconstrued way, yet I needed them more.

From my earliest memories, I can recall that feeling, deep in my bones, that insane and horrific gnawing that I was not enough. That I would have to prove myself. I needed to be special. I needed to feel worthy. Loved.

I heard people say, If you try hard enough, you can accomplish anything.

I believed them.

So I set my face like flint against the wind, I measured my sails, and I set out to prove my worth to the world.

Whatever it takes, that was my motto.

Whether that meant hours of studying or practicing to be good enough. Whether it meant endless miles running wrapped in plastic wrap to be skinny enough, I did it. That was me.

In seventh grade, I was voted Most Likely To Succeed in my class. It felt good. The awards felt good. Just not quite good enough.

I kept going. I thought there was some point where I would arrive. Where I would attain. Where I would be enough.

Yet, inside I knew there was something adrift. If I was quiet enough, I could hear the tremors begin to quake. I felt the muffled pangs just beneath the surface.

I wanted to be healed. I longed to know what wholeness felt like. I craved peace more than anything I could imagine.

That must be for someone else, I thought, but it must not be for me.

I often felt like the woman in Scripture reaching out, desperate to touch the threads that lined the hem of Jesus’ robe. Surely if I could touch Him, she must have thought, then I would be healed. (Mark 5:21-34)

I understood the longing of the blind man, who day after day, hoped and prayed that he would one day see. How could he have known his Savior, his Healer would come with a little clay and a little spit near the pool of Siloam and give him everything he’d ever hoped for. How? (John 9:1-12)

I could see myself like Peter, shivering in the waves and wind as he stepped out of the boat onto the Sea of Galilee. If only I had enough fortitude to keep my eyes on Jesus, I could have walked on water without sinking beneath the waves of doubt and fear that pulled me under. (Matthew 14:22-33)

And then my healing came. Not in the way you’d expect. Jesus ushered me into a sacred place. A sacred season. Jesus led me to this season of healing and He never let go.

I heard Him whisper to me, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

I needed rest.

Each week, in my season of healing, Jesus faithfully sat with me as I unpacked the weight of burdens that had become too heavy for me to carry. I could feel His hand resting on the back of my aching hand as I connected stories of my past, my wounding. He held me in His arms as I wept for the broken things that had drained any measure of hope in my soul. I felt Him. I found rest in Him.

As I learned new ways of being, new ways of believing, like a proud parent, He lovingly coaxed and cheered me on as I took my first measured, stumbling steps.

Jesus sat with pride as He watched me rebuild the foundation of my life. He nurtured the roots of our relationship well. I felt my worth for the first time. I saw His delight in me.

I was building and living a life of peace. It was all I had ever hoped for. Longed for. To breathe. To feel solid and sure. To experience wholeness. To experience abundance. Physical abundance, spiritual abundance, emotional abundance.

In John 10:10b (NKJV) Jesus shares, I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

Psalm 29:11 (NIV) adds, The Lord gives strength to His people.  The Lord blesses his people with peace.

The Hebrew word for peace, shalom, refers to wholeness, completeness, safety, soundness and fullness. I believe that God’s desire for each of us as individuals is to experience that kind of abundance in our lives, both spiritually and emotionally.

The Peace Pilgrimage

As I’ve counseled thousands of individuals and couples during my career as a Professional Therapist —or desert guide, as I like to describe my profession —the one thing that my clients universally long for is not money, not success, not even happiness. The one thing they desire more than anything else is peace.

Peace isn’t some elusive feeling. Peace is not a holy grail of emotionalism. Peace is simply the by-product of a life built on a foundation of Emotional Abundance.

Emotional Abundance is built from the ground up. Emotional Abundance is something that can be cultivated and embraced, that will alter everything about how we experience God, ourselves, and those with whom we are in relationship.

Thomas Merton poignantly portrayed, “We are not at peace with others because we are not at peace with ourselves, and we are not at peace with ourselves because we are not at peace with God.”

I’ve discovered three ways we can walk away from our pain, and embrace a life of peace.

1. By Examining Our Lives from the Bottom Up

We will only experience true peace as we first experience peace with God. Peace with God is the foundation of a solid, stable life, filled with richness and beauty and meaning. We were created as spiritual beings, in His image.   We were created to have a connection, a deep and vital relationship with the God of the Universe. We were not meant to be ships anchored unto ourselves, tossed by the whims and waves of life. We were designed to be ships anchored into something powerful, something larger than ourselves that steadies and strengthens us for the journey.

1. By Discovering The Man (or Woman) In the Mirror

Peace with God is what allows us to come face to face with ourselves and cultivate peace within the interior spaces of our beings. We cannot begin to own our emotional identity if we do not own our spiritual identity as the beloved of our Father. We cannot learn to be kind or compassionate with ourselves if we have not grasped hold of God’s great hand of compassion that is always reaching toward us. To find, discover, lay hold of His safe refuge that allows us to be authentic and strong, passionate and purposeful is perhaps our most transcendent blessing.

1. By Cultivating Healthy, Thriving Relationships

As Merton describes, we are only capable of attaining peace in our relationships if we have laid the foundation of peace with God and peace with ourselves. How could we believe that we could experience abundant relationships if we had never experienced an abundant self? Yet, as we discover peace with ourselves, we are able to enjoy and celebrate true abundance, true peace in our relationships. We are able to be more emotionally honest, more centered and stable. We are able to breathe life and freedom into our relationships.

Life doesn’t change. We change.

[clickToTweet tweet="Life doesn’t change. We change. #peaceforalifetime" quote="Life doesn’t change. We change."]

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime– Embracing a Life of Hope, Wholeness, and Harmony through Emotional Abundance, I walk with readers through whatever season of life they are in, and lay out simple, practical life-steps that will help them find healing and will nurture Emotional Abundance in every area of their lives.

Is peace something that has always eluded you?

Is peace something you have always wanted in your relationships, but have never managed to experience, at least not for any length of time?

Do you, too, feel so alone in your brokenness that hope simply seems beyond your reach?

You don’t have to keep trying so hard to prove your worth. You don’t have to keep pushing, hoping that everything will turn out okay. Healing isn’t just for someone else. Healing is for you.

[clickToTweet tweet="Healing isn’t just for someone else. Healing is for you. #peaceforalifetime" quote="Healing isn’t just for someone else. Healing is for you."]

Jesus is whispering to you, Come to me…

Will you come to Him today? Will you accept the peace He has for you? Will you let Him walk you from your season of pain right into His peace?

You can experience the love for which you long.

You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine.

You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow.

You can experience peace —for a lifetime.

Blessings,

Lisa

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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How Technology Could Be Hurting Your Wellbeing

Tips for maximizing technology while minimizing the pain - literally!

In the months leading up to the launch of my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I was doing more writing and computer work than normal. The process of platform building and marketing can be both demanding and time-consuming.

Several weeks ago I started noticing my shoulder aching. My entire left arm began to tingle through my elbow all the way down to my fingers.

I didn’t think much of it. I am not ill often. I simply kept pressing on in spite of the pain. Unfortunately it didn’t get any better. In fact, it only grew worse finally sending me to the chiropractor.

After initial x-rays and examination, I was told that my neck, which should be curved, is actually straight. Three discs in my neck were mostly immobile. Not a good diagnosis, as the chiropractor described.

What I didn’t know is that throughout our entire lives, our body uses these curves as shock absorbers. The curves help us to balance and move. When viewed from the side, the body should have three distinct curves – one in the neck, one in the mid back and one in the lower back.

The curve in the neck is considered the most important, and has been referred to as the arc of life. This is a term coined by a neurosurgeon due to the importance of the cervical curve and the structure it protects – your nervous system.

It turns out that my blogging and social media habits have placed my neck in a downward position, which has contributed to my considerable neck pain. I am not alone. “It is an epidemic or, at least, it’s very common,” Hansraj, chief of spine surgery at New York Spine Surgery and Rehabilitation Medicine, told The Washington Post. “Just look around you, everyone has their heads down.”

Research has shown multiple severe health-issues related to the loss of the cervical curvature. Multiple studies have shown that a loss of this curve reduces lung capacity by up to 30%; decreased lung capacity has been linked to COPD, heart disease and cancer.  

Abnormal posture can cause organ disease, muscle tension, increased sensitivity to pain and weakened immune system. Loss of cervical curve can also result in loss of balance, dizziness, overall poor health, headaches, pain, numbness, weaknesses and decreased quality of life.  It can also inhibit the release of endorphins, which can have a negative impact on our moods and sense of happiness and wellbeing.  

Scientists suggest the major factor in the rise of “text-neck,” as they have named it, is the enormous increase in technology usage throughout the day. Smartphone users spend an average of two to four hours per day hunched over, reading e-mails, sending texts or checking social media sites. That’s 700 to 1,400 hours per year people are putting stress on their spines, according to the research.

According to The Wireless Association, texting statistics have increased astronomically.  In June 2006 in the USA, there were 12.5 billion texts sent monthly.  By June 2011, that number grew to 196.9 billion.  Clearly, this problem isn’t going anywhere. Who knew?

Since our physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing are so intricately connected, it is vital that we are aware of and care for our physical health. If you use your computer often or are on your electronic devices, here are some practical tips to avoid “text-neck” and help keep your wellbeing in tip-top shape.

• Get the app - Florida chiropractor, Dr. Dean Fishman actually created a “Text Neck” app for the Android, which offers “immediate real time feedback” about whether your standing in the correct posture, indicated by a green or red light. There’s also an optional vibration or beep reminder, when you lapse into bad habits. Best of all, according to the doctor, it actually tracks and scores your slouching/standing patterns.

• Raise the phone - Move your cell phone (and other devices) to eye level so your head doesn’t have to be tilted.

• Take frequent breaks - Spend some time away from the phone—or any type of head-forward posture. Remember to change positions when texting—lying on one's back is an excellent way to relieve pressure on the neck.

• Stand up straight - Good posture, with the shoulders pulled back, keeps the body aligned in a neutral position.

• Arch and stretch - Arch the neck and upper back backward periodically to ease muscle pain.

• Stay fit - A strong, flexible back and neck are better able to handle extra stress.

We are only given one body. I know we will all increasingly use technology as a means of connecting with and engaging the world around us. Yet if we can become aware of and implement a few things to help our bodies, we will in fact be helping our souls. We will be building a strong physical foundation that will empower us to live abundantly —physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

We can all cultivate more balance in our lives, which is essential if we are going to achieve our goals or experience the abundant life we desire. Physical wellbeing is one piece of the puzzle that will help you on your journey towards peace.

[clickToTweet tweet="Physical wellbeing is one piece of the puzzle that will help you on your journey towards peace." quote="Physical wellbeing is one piece of the puzzle that will help you on your journey towards peace."]

References:

• Lee S, Kang H, Shin G. Head flexion angle while using a smartphone. Ergonomics. 2015;58(2):220-226.

       •  Hansraj KK. Assessment of Stresses in the Cervical Spine Caused by Posture and Position of the Head.                Surgical Technology International. 2014;11(25):277-9.

Blessings,

Lisa

About Lisa

Lisa is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. Her online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, Lisa is just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. She has fallen passionately in love with the journey and believes it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While she grew up in the Florida sunshine, she and her husband now live just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

About Peace for a Lifetime

In her new book, Peace for a Lifetime, Lisa Murray shares the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Lisa discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through Lisa and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Join our community on Facebook: Lisa Murray!

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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Three Ways To Maximize Peace In Your Relationships

How to stop enabling and start loving well 

A friend posted a quote on Facebook the other day. It said, We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please. @lysaterkerust

How true, I thought instantly.

We struggle to know how to love, when to love, where to love. We grapple to acknowledge when our love isn’t loving, when it is nothing short of enabling.

We all have those relationships. We each have people in our lives who somehow expand their level of taking while never getting around to giving, who always seem to be in a crisis, and who never want to listen to advice.

The cajole us. They blame us. They manipulate us interminably because we are afraid to say no— afraid of the anger, afraid of the disappointment, perhaps we’re afraid of the punishment to come and most certainly, we’re afraid of being rejected.

We desperately want things to be different. We had so many hopes and dreams for what our lives with family and friends would look like. We never envisioned this.

Enabling has become such a catchphrase in our culture. Though in a positive sense enabling can be used to denote empowerment, in a negative sense, according to Wikepedia:

“Enabling can describe dysfunctional behavior approaches that are intended to help resolve a specific problem but in fact may perpetuate or exacerbate the problem. A common theme of enabling in this latter sense is that third parties take responsibility or blame, or make accommodations for a person's harmful conduct (often with the best of intentions, or from fear or insecurity which inhibits action). The practical effect is that the person himself or herself does not have to do so, and is shielded from awareness of the harm it may do, and the need or pressure to change. Enabling in this sense is a major environmental cause of addiction.”

We have become a nation of enablers. As parents, we stand between our children and the consequences of their actions because we feel it defines our love as better, or stronger, for our children. We believe that rescuing is helping. Desperately needing to feel loved ourselves, and having placed our children on the altar of our emotional needs, we are immobilized from saying or doing anything that might threaten their love for us.

As friends and family, we try to be helpful, loving. We always tell ourselves, this will be the last time, knowing full well somewhere in the back quarter of our minds that it won’t be. We tell ourselves, that’s what good parents do for their children, that’s what friends do for each other, that’s what being a good Christian means.

We need them to love us because many of us do not know how to love ourselves. We use their love as a surrogate love that was never meant to fill the hole inside of us, the place where God’s love and our love was meant to fill.

What do we do? How do we determine where we end and another begins? How do we begin to forge healthy boundaries so that we can actually love others, without enabling them?

Assess whether your efforts to help have helped.

Have your acts of love led to any real, consistent behavioral change? Is this the fifth time your child has totaled the family car? Has the money you’ve given a loved one really gotten them out of a crisis and put them back up on the road toward health and stability? Have you ever been repaid?

If what we want is behavioral change, if we want our friends and our children to make better choices, are they? If not, chances are that your love and your help have not been loving or helpful.

The first step towards behavioral change is sincerely owning responsibility for one’s life and having a heart change. Owning responsibility never blames, never rationalizes, and is not angry. Owning responsibility is simply that. It is heartfelt and is followed by repentance. Repentance is defined as, turning from sin and dedicating oneself to the amendment of one's life; to feel regret or contrition; to change one’s mind.

You can always tell when there is heart change. Heart change is always followed by behavioral change. Apologies, rationalizations, blame, threats rarely lead to life change.

Determine what boundaries are needed for you to stop enabling your loved ones.

Do you need to stop rescuing your children? Do you need to stop giving money, room and board, or transportation when it only seems to perpetuate the insanity, and continue the dysfunctional cycle? Do our loved ones need to face the consequences of their choices? Do our friends and family members need to find the answers to their problems themselves instead of looking to you to be the answer to their problems?

What do you need to do or better yet, stop doing, to lovingly allow your loved ones to come face to face with themselves and God in order to determine the path they will pursue on their journeys. Love them. Give them the gift of facing the results of their choices, their hearts, their lives, and having the opportunity to build a life that’s radically different.

Learn the most loving word, “No.”

Whatever emotions surface inside of you as a result of saying “no” are your responsibility. Don’t place them on someone else. Lean in. Listen.

If you’ve never learned how to love yourself and continue the enabling in an effort to find and feel love, even for a fleeting and perhaps, destructive moment, you can begin today. Learn how to experience God’s love for you. Learn how to give the gift of love to yourself. You are beloved. You are worthy. You are enough. It is never someone else’s job to give that to you. It is your job. Open yourself to the love that is waiting for you.

When your friend or loved one asks something of you that you know you should not do, calmly, respectfully say “no.” Free them. Free yourself. Focus on the things you can do. You can pray. Perhaps you can offer suggestions, if they are requested. Freedom allows everyone to determine how they want to engage their lives, how they want to move forward with clarity into their future.

Just because someone has a problem doesn’t mean that it is your problem. Love sees the long-term game and is willing to sacrifice short-term pay-offs to ensure the potential of future success.

• Assess whether your efforts to help have helped.
• Determine what boundaries are needed to stop enabling your loved ones.
• Learn to use the most loving word, “No.”

You will find freedom in your heart and mind. You will find abundance in your relationships. You will find peace.

My new book Peace for a Lifetime speaks to the heart of relationships and teaches us how we can build Emotional Abundance into our lives so our relationships can flourish. If your relationships seem filled with heartache, chaos, and disappointment, if you are lost wondering what to do next, this book will outline simple, practical ways you can cultivate healthy, stable relationships that will maximize the peace in your life.

To order your copy, click here!

What is the relationship that is hardest for you to draw healthy boundaries? Leave your comment below. I’d love us to learn and grow with each other.

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How I Leverage My Time To Maximize My Peace

I’ve always been intentional with my time. It’s one of the most important tools I have. It impacts nearly everything I do. Well, almost everything.

Like many others, time is always something of which I never seem to have enough. Too many distractions and too many demands make it difficult to accomplish the goals I have set.

Many of our schedules are not condusive to a defined regiment and life today isn’t as neat or tidy as it was growing up.

Today I leverage my time to effectively manage much of my complex personal and professional life, and to maximize my peace.

Here’s a list of a few strategies I use:

• I realistically look at the pockets of time that are not spoken for throughout the day. Sometimes it may be a 30-minute segment of time before work; sometimes, there may be 10 minutes in between meetings.

• I mentally prioritize or write down in my journal the goals that would be most meaningful for me to accomplish. Sometimes deadlines force something to the top of the list, but otherwise I try to focus on what is most meaningful. That allows me to stay connected with my passions and purpose without becoming sidetracked or exhausted.

• I strategize to assign smaller goals to smaller pockets of time and larger goals to larger pockets of time. I know my physical and mental make-up as well. I know the morning is when I am most refreshed and focused to write, so I try to schedule more in-depth creative tasks earlier in the day and easier, more administrative tasks later in the afternoon or evening.

• I focus on the meaning in the moment. As I am engaged in one project, I do my best not to become overwhelmed by everything else I need to do. I spend a few moments deep-breathing to help keep me connected and centered on enjoying whatever the task is at hand. This may sound weird to some, but when I can look for meaning even in the small, mundane tasks, it allows me to be fully present in each moment and to find joy wherever I am. The rest of the day will come, the other tasks will be attended to. I do not want to waste this moment focusing on, overwhelmed by, consumed by another moment. This moment is the only one I’m guaranteed.

• I schedule downtime. Again, depending on the pockets of time that emerge throughout the day, I make sure to assign time for unstructured play. This may mean a few moments of deep-breathing and guided imagery. It may also mean a cup of tea and a good book. Unstructured playtime is just as important as any other task I accomplish throughout the day. It allows my mind to relax and recharge. It grounds and soothes me physically and emotionally.

[clickToTweet tweet="The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule,but to schedule your priorities.-Stephen Covey" quote="“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” Stephen Covey"]

[clickToTweet tweet="“We will either walk well throughout our day, or our day will walk all over us.” @Lisa Murray " quote="“We will either walk well throughout our day, or our day will walk all over us.” Lisa Murray"]

Leveraging my time allows me to accomplish the things to which God has called me, but also frees me to enjoy each moment for the beautiful gift it is in my life.

Question: How do you leverage your time to maximize your peace?

To learn more about my new book, 'Peace for a Lifetime' where I share tools to make the most of our margin as well as how to de-stress and enjoy the greatest meaning in life, click here or visit Amazon to buy the book.  

Blessings, 

Lisa

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Embracing Peace In A World of Chaos

How to discover abundance in the midst of the mess 

Everywhere around us the world is raging. Tragedy – chaos – uncertainty- fill the air. We can’t help but feel the weight of the world every time walk out our front door.

We see it in the news, we read about it on social media. We feel helpless that there is anything we can do to fix what is so terribly broken in the world around us.

We are, however, powerful to focus our energy on changing what is looking back at us in the mirror. We are powerful to live our lives with hope, abundance, and peace.

What would the world feel like to have a strong, solid foundation that would withstand the storms and struggles life inevitably brings?

How would life feel different if we had deep roots firmly planted in rich soil that gives our lives clarity, vision, and purpose?

The chaos of life doesn’t change – WE change!

I wrote Peace For A Lifetime as a result of my journey through brokenness. The lessons I learned, the healing and peace I have found apply no matter what your journey or your circumstances.

Trading Emptiness for Abundance

I’ve found three clear reasons Emotional Abundance will help you navigate the storms and find peace in the midst of the messes life can bring.

1. Maximized HOPE! – Without a doubt your hope lies first and foremost in the person of Jesus Christ. He is your foundation spiritually, emotionally, and physically. As you learn to appropriate His hope into the emotional area of your life, you will experience the fullness, the abundance of hope He promises. Emotional Abundance allows you to walk through all the seasons of our lives and deal with them effectively so that you can face them without fear and find peace in the most difficult days.

Jeremiah 29:11(NIV) states, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

2. Complete WHOLENESS! – God wants you to be not only healed, but whole. Emotional Abundance allows you to find healing for your wounds and experience wholeness within your own heart and mind. As you learn to be a good caretaker for your emotions, to create an environment of compassion and truth, you will begin to discover your emotional identity. God doesn’t want his children limping through life, barely surviving. He wants you to thrive. He wants you to discover your unique calling, your passion and purpose so that you can make a difference for His kingdom. As individuals become whole, the entire body of Christ becomes whole.

2 Timothy 1:7 (AMP) tells us that, “God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well- balanced mind and discipline and self-control.”

3. Enduring HARMONY! – You were not meant to live in chaos. Your relationships were never supposed to be a rollercoaster of pain and disappointment. Emotional Abundance fosters peace and strength in your relationships so that you can enjoy them without being dependent on them for your happiness or wellbeing. When you look inside to find peace within yourselves, you don’t need as much from others, nor do you blame them for your unhappiness. Emotional Abundance allows you to deal with disagreements in a way that leaves you and others on the same team and preserves the openness, safety and respect needed for relationships to flourish.

Romans 15:5-6Amplified Bible (AMP) shares, “Now may the God Who gives the power of patient endurance (steadfastness) and Who supplies encouragement, grant you to live in such mutual harmony and such full sympathy with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may [unanimously] with united hearts and one voice, praise and glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah).

Embracing Peace

Our wounds steal from us a life of hope. They steal our identity, our abundance, our relationships. Our wounds ultimately steal our peace.

Life doesn’t have to be this way. This is not the life God has for you.

Peace isn’t just an illusion. Peace isn’t always for someone else. Peace is for you. Every time you have struggled and fallen has brought you to this place. You are ready. Now is the time.

You can learn to:

• heal the wounds that have kept you stuck

• feel, understand, and manage your emotions effectively

• create an environment in which you can thrive

• develop deep, satisfying relationships in your life

Yes, you can take back your power and discover a life of hope, wholeness, and harmony! If you’re ready, Peace For A Lifetime, can help show you the way.

Question: How would your life look different with more hope and wholeness?

Leave your answer below.

Blessings,

Lisa

My New Book ‘Peace For A Lifetime’ is Finally Here!!!!

Get it today and claim $57 in FREE Bonuses as well as get entered to win one of five FREE bottles of my newest fragrance called PEACE, valued at $52.00!!!

I can hardly believe it. My new book Peace For A Lifetime is out today. This launch symbolizes a very important season of my journey.

Several years ago, I began to dream of how I could give the people of my home church a gift. You see, I founded the Counseling Ministry at my church almost ten years ago and coordinate all of the Family Ministry classes. I wanted to give people who were not able to go to counseling years of information I’ve discovered that will help them in their lives and relationships.

This information helped me transform my life both personally and professionally. In fact, as I explain in the book, these concepts guided me through some of the most challenging times of my life. Now I want to get that message out as far as I possibly can.

Click Here to Get Your Copy Today

I’ve been writing and teaching clients about living with Emotional Abundance for years now. So much of what I’ve learned, tested, and proven is in this book. It’s an important part of my life’s message.

The proven principles I lay out in Peace For A Lifetime have already been endorsed by Sheila Walsh, Patsy Clairmont, Dr. Tim Clinton, Constance Rhodes, Joanne Kraft and many more. And I am ready to share it with you.

In Peace For A Lifetime you’ll discover:

• What prevents so many people from experiencing the abundance and peace they desire in their lives and relationships.

• How to apply the fundamental skills of Emotional Abundance into every area of our lives so we can cultivate greater personal well-being and discover a life of enduring peace.

• Personal stories, case studies, and applications for healing the broken places and unconscious wounds we have carried with us from our past.

• A better way to think about the emotional arena of our lives.

• Simple, practical Life Steps that can guide you on your journey toward cultivating peace in every area of your life.

Peace For A Lifetime presents a step-by-step guide to start healing, build an indestructible foundation for your life, and develop the tools that will take you there.

For people that buy in the next two weeks, I'm including some added bonuses to help you take action and see results immediately:

• My Emotional Abundance Quiz to determine your level of Emotional Abundance
• Peace For A Lifetime Emotions Chart that you can use to develop a strategic and effective emotional vocabulary
• Two beautiful scripture printables (I couldn’t resist!)
• My Promises For Peace pdf that has Scripture to help with whatever struggles you are facing

Together these bonuses are worth $57. And they’re FREE if you buy before March 12. You’ll also be entered to win one of five FREE bottles of my newest fragrance, PEACE.

I said at the start that this launch symbolizes an important season of my journey. But it does more than that.  It also opens a new season of my journey and this one involves you.

I’m confident that Peace For A Lifetime is exactly the tool you’re looking for to stop the chaos and brokenness, and get the life you want. Will you join me on this journey?

Click Here to Get Your Copy Today

Question: In what ways have you recently struggled to find

peace in your life? I'd love to hear your comments!

---

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Why We Are the Most Influential Person In Our Relationships

 Somehow we may think, Donald Trump may be the most influential person in his relationships, but certainly we could never be the most influential person in our relationships.

We can come up with all the reasons why we could never be that influential —our past, our failures, our weaknesses, our fears. Surely the people around us with whom we are in relationship, they would certainly be more influential than us. Right?

Wrong. We are the most influential person in our relationships because we are the only people we are capable of changing or influencing.

Our ability to create a life of Emotional Abundance and peace is almost entirely up to us. When we commit to seek God and His healing, we will find both. Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV) states, You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. The Emotional Abundance we experience as a result will overflow and impact all of our relationships.

If you’ve ever felt helpless or hopeless in your relationships, God has so much more in store for you! He longs for you to know His peace in every relationship in your life.

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares why you are the most influential person in your relationships.

We all have tendencies toward certain defense mechanisms we learned early on to keep us safe or perhaps even to survive. Those defense mechanisms will destroy the fabric and beauty of any relationship. They will undermine the safety, respect, and trust that every relationship needs to thrive.

Once we become aware of our defenses, we are empowered to begin building new ways to engage in our relationships. We can keep ourselves safe no matter what. We can open ourselves to hear another’s experience, and we can open ourselves to sharing our experience. We can communicate calmly, clearly, and directly. We can lay aside our need to defend, our need to win at all costs, and even our need to change our partner. As we do, we will learn we can come into safe contact with others and enjoy the process of building relationship.

We are the key. We own responsibility for ourselves in our communication, our life, and our relationships. We cannot ask or require another person to take responsibility for our safety, happiness, or well-being. This is the essence of our work with ourselves and God. Our relationships are merely the canvas on which we get to practice and experiment.

We can never blame another for our lack of, whether a lack of safety, a lack of peace, or a lack of having our needs met. The responsibility for us ultimately lies with us. We are in charge of our safety, peace, even our needs. If something must come from another, we are in charge of using our voice to speak our thoughts, feelings, and needs in a healthy, respectful way.

We do not even need our partners or friends to be healthy in order for us to be healthy. Many people give up and say that they cannot use healthy communication if their partner doesn’t use healthy communication; that they cannot change unless their partner is willing to change.

If our health or emotional wellbeing is dependent upon what another person does or does not do, on what they promise to do or not to do, our emotional health is on shaky ground. The more I am able to shift my focus from someone else as the key to my peace, to me as the key to my peace, the more likely I am to find peace. The person over whom I have the greatest amount of control and influence is me.

What freeing news! Indeed, we are the most influential person in our relationships. Don’t buy into the notion that you could never change. You can. You will. He will —change your life from the inside out. That alone will influence ALL of your relationships.

I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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How Poor Communication Can Destroy a Relationship

 We all believe we have great communication skills. It is everyone else around us who has the communication problems, right?

The truth is, most of us are not taught how to communicate effectively. We see things, feel things, perceive things from our unique perspective and we assume others see, feel, and perceive things just like we do. When they don’t, we feel frustrated, ignored, unheard.

If we want to have healthy, satisfying relationships, we must learn healthy communication skills.

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares how poor communication can destroy a relationship.

Several years ago I was working with a middle-aged couple, Rick and Audrey, who had been married for fifteen years. As I questioned Audrey to learn more about what wasn’t working in their relationship, she openly shared her frustration with Rick. From her perspective, he just wasn’t willing to meet her needs. Her primary complaints were Rick’s lack of affection and lack of help around the house. I followed up by asking what she had done previously to address her concerns with Rick. She replied she had told him repeatedly he was selfish and didn’t care about her at all.

Rick for his part, was mostly silent during my initial conversation with Audrey. He seemed frustrated and angry just hearing her complaints. When I addressed him to find out his concerns, his only response was, “Her.” He described he is usually attentive and doesn’t go out with his buddies to drink; he just doesn’t know what her problem is. “I think when she gets like this, she’s just crazy,” he explained. “I should have known she’d be just like her mother. This really has nothing to do with me. I’m just here to get her the help she needs.”

I asked Audrey if she had ever shared with Rick her specific complaints and how she felt about them. She replied he should know. “If he loves me, he should know the things that are important to me and should try to meet my needs.”

While I understood Audrey’s perspective and her frustration with the dynamic at work between the two of them, thinking that Rick was able to somehow know what her needs were if she was not able to communicate them clearly was a stretch.

To be honest, most of us at some point have had the experience of expecting or assuming someone should know something about us even though we have never communicated our thoughts or feelings to them. So often we carry hurts and frustrations regarding unmet needs that we have never spoken.

This illustration shows, among other things, how poorly Rick and Audrey communicate with one another. In her attempt at communicating, Audrey accuses Rick of being selfish, of not loving her or trying to meet her needs. Rick feels defensive and lashes back by placing the blame on Audrey, calling her names, and belittling both her and her mother. None of this communication is healthy and none of their interactions will bring Emotional Abundance (EA)—being able to effectively manage our emotions so we can appropriately respond to the people and circumstances around us—to the relationship.

Your relationships don’t have to be the source of such frustration. You don’t have to feel so alone with your partner. You can learn effective communication skills that will breathe new life and new hope into your relationship.

I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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Why We Can Never Move Past Our Childhood Until We Face It

Most of us find little use in dissecting our past and dredging up old childhood memories. We wonder, “What does that have to do with the mess I’m in today?” “What good can possibly come from talking about my childhood?”

For many, their family life growing up was less than ideal, and brings up painful memories that have long since been buried. Or so we thought.

Much of our life today, from how we handle stress, how we interact in relationships, to the things we believe about ourselves, about others, about God is directly shaped from our experiences within our families growing up.

We cannot outrun it, we cannot forget it. We are powerful to heal the wounds from our past and move past them as we learn to come face to face with them. Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares the importance of dealing with our childhood wounds so that we can build a life for ourselves and our children, that is uniquely different, emotionally abundant and peace-filled.

From the time we open our eyes in the morning, we are constantly coming into contact with people—whether they share our bed, our house, our neighborhood, our office, or our church. At the point we make contact, something unique happens. A spark ignites, a reciprocity of energy is exchanged, and a dynamic is created.

Our best understanding of relational dynamics comes from the system of dynamics set up in our family of origin. The family style where we were raised carries a powerful force where individual members learn to connect with one another in unique ways that are mutually affecting. Patterns evolve whereby each member adopts a certain role within the family that allows the system to function as a whole.

Family systems form the basis for all our human interactions and relationships because the role we adopt within the family system is usually carried into all of our future adult relationships. These roles become a stable, though sometimes unconscious, part of our identity. Because family systems are driven by a process called homeostasis, the tendency to maintain stability or equilibrium, they are therefore usually resistant to change.

Have you ever had the experience of going back home to visit after having been away and feeling as though you were fifteen years old again the moment you walked through the door? That is the power of homeostasis at work within the family system. Some people might resist returning home because of the incredibly strong dynamics that leave them feeling child-like, helpless, weak, or even angry. Avoiding home may seem to provide the best solution.

While there are some extreme situations where home was physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive, and being cut-off provides the option of last resort for survival and health, most of us experience the fullness of our relational healing by returning home, figuratively speaking. This means our healing becomes complete the more we can understand our role in the family system, learn how to unhook from the homeostatic force that wants us to stay the same, and begin to differentiate ourselves well enough to interact with others, even our family of origin, from a place of peace and EA. The power of returning home frees us from our historical role in the family system and allows us to carry this freedom—this new, solid self into all of our adult relationships.

Interestingly, we can at any time, from any place, with any person begin to exercise EA in our relationships. No decision for EA is ever wasted. The muscles that we strengthen in one relationship can be translated into other relationships. Please note, the goal is never to change or fix someone else. The goal is to heal, understand, and grow ourselves so we can engage in any relationship and experience peace for ourselves as we connect with our loved ones.

It is never too late to heal and to grow. Our relationships will flourish as we are able to understand our childhood influences as well as feel and manage our emotions effectively so that we are better able to express them in a healthy way to the people around us.

The results are worth it. You are worth it. You don’t have to remain chained to the same old ways of dealing with life that you’ve been using. You are not destined to “be” just like your father or mother or others from your childhood. God has a unique plan and purpose for you. He wants you to be free from those chains so you can embrace your God-given identity and destiny.

In my book, Peace For a Lifetime, I share simple, practical life steps that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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What True Abundance Looks Like In Our Relationships

 There is nothing like spring! After months of endless grey skies and bone-chilling temperatures that have kept us huddled inside, the first green sprigs we see pushing out from the dull, barren tree branches make us want to celebrate with joy.

Those little green buds on the trees mean one thing – winter is over. New life is here.

Yet new life doesn’t just start in spring. Those awesome green buds are simply the outward fruit of growth that has been happening underneath the surface. Without a strong root system growing deep underground, without a strong trunk to give stability and transport nutrients throughout the tree, there would be no vibrant display of life on display each spring.

The same is true for our lives and relationships. Thomas Merton stated, We are not at peace with others because we are not at peace with ourselves, and we are not at peace with ourselves because we are not at peace with God.

We cannot experience life in our relationships if we are not experiencing life within ourselves; and we cannot experience life within ourselves if we are not experiencing life in our relationship with God.

For so many of us, there is little that is living or vibrant in our relationships.

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares what true abundance looks like in our relationships. God wants our relationships to be beautiful extensions of His love and grace at work in our lives.

As I sit down to write this morning, my eyes are continually drawn outside my window to witness the miracle happening before me. Spring is here, and everywhere little buds of green are pushing their way up from the ground’s surface. The forsythia’s yellow blossoms are beginning to explode, and tiny red petals are filling the barren branches of my beloved rose bushes. Before long, tulips in every color of the rainbow will begin to steal the show as they announce their arrival with an unequaled majesty.

In amazement, I wonder how this happened. Yesterday everything was dead and brown, yet today the whole world is being reborn before my very eyes. Spring is my favorite time of year.

A couple of years ago, my husband and I planted some Leyland cypress trees in our yard. Ever since, we have been faithfully watering them and fertilizing them exactly the way we were instructed, yet they have not grown quickly to become the grand towers of shade I had envisioned.

So a few weeks ago when a lawncare specialist was spraying the lawn, I inquired as to why my trees weren’t growing like they should. The man chuckled and began to explain that the trees were indeed growing, but most of their growth thus far was underneath the surface of the ground. He described that during the first two years or so, the trees were establishing a healthy root system and that they needed to grow big underground before they started to grow big above ground. He encouraged me to be patient, knowing they would eventually take off and grow bigger than I could imagine.

At that moment, everything made sense. This new life, these new beginnings on display in my garden are a reflection of where we are on our journey toward cultivating new life and new abundance in our relationships. All of the work we have done thus far has been in establishing and growing our root system underground, so we could have a strong, solid trunk. Now, the final stage is being set to see the healthy new growth reach far and wide into our relationships.

You don’t have stay stuck in under-nourished, barren relationships. The investment you make in cultivating peace with God and peace with yourself will bring forth abundance and peace in all of your relationships.

In my book, Peace For a Lifetime, I share simple, practical life steps that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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Why Unlocking the Past Can Hold the Key To Our Healing

We all have a past. No matter who we are, no matter where we were raised, we each have a story, a history that has been etched into the seams and shadows of our hearts.

We didn’t ask for the things we experienced as children. Whether it was a chaotic family life, our parents’ divorce, or financial struggles, whether it was the rejection and ridicule we experienced from our so-called friends at school, by the time we made it to adulthood, life had already begun to take its toll.

The problem is, the wounds we carry from our past into our adult lives don’t just fall by the wayside once we graduate from school. Our wounds affect and infect everything from our work, our relationships, our faith and our inner peace. We can’t outrun our wounds, we can’t ignore them, we can’t escape them.

We can heal them. We can find freedom from them. The abundant life God desires for you doesn’t include your wounds, or your burdens.

If you’ve ever felt hopeless that life could ever be different – it can! Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares why unlocking the past can hold the key to our healing.

Debra was forty-eight years old when she pursued therapy in order to deal with her addiction to alcohol. Our initial conversation revealed that Debra grew up in an alcoholic family. She was the oldest of four children.

Growing up, she watched daily as her father came home from work and began his evening ritual of pouring himself a few drinks before dinner. With each drink, his agitation increased. He would start with angry comments about the news. Then he would bicker with her mom, and yell at the kids to, “shut up so I can have some peace and quiet,” as Debra recalled. By suppertime, he was in a virtual rage. His bickering escalated into cursing and name-calling. Seemingly he was looking for something that would give him an excuse to explode.

Debra remembered a night when she was six years old that her dad stood up from the table and began to beat her mom violently. Debra immediately took the little ones to their room. When she came back to the dining room, she started pulling on her dad’s arm, desperately trying to get him off of her mom. He merely flung her off while he continued his vicious attack.

One night when Debra was fifteen years old, as another fight began, she stood in front of her mom with a knife and threatened to kill her dad if he ever touched her mom again. He never did.

To make matters worse, Debra was molested by a teacher when she was twelve years old. Though she told her parents, they didn’t believe her and refused to take any action that might embarrass the family.

Since then, Debra has always found herself in relationships where there is a lot of drama. Whether the drama is from her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, his boss, or a nosy neighbor, there is always a fight to be had, and she is ready for battle. The relationships usually end when there are no more battles to wage.

The losses have been tremendous for Debra. She began to rely on alcohol many years ago as a way to deal with the pain of the break-ups. She feels so alone, and the sadness is overwhelming. She just wants to feel loved, to feel safe. Her current boyfriend truly does love her but can’t take Debra’s drama anymore.

When I asked what role faith played in her life, she responded she had a general belief in God. She related having a lot of anger toward Him, not understanding how a loving God could have allowed her to experience everything she did as a child. She also felt God had abandoned her just like her parents did when she told them of her molestation. Certainly she could not feel safe with someone else who was going to leave.

Though Debra survived her childhood, she did not escape the emotional residue that contaminated everything in her life, including her relationship with God.

Thankfully, this is not the end of the story for Debra. God had another plan for Debra’s life. A plan for healing, a plan for life, a plan for peace.

God has another plan for your life, too! He has not abandoned you. He has not forgotten your wounds or your pain. He longs to heal all that is broken in you. He longs to give you a new life and a new future.

I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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How God Can Use Our Wounds To Make Us Whole

Our wounds leave us feeling frail, broken, desperately unwhole. It seems like everyone around us must be living the abundant life, but with our wounds, that kind of life feels like an impossibility. We feel helpless. Hopeless.

I felt that way too, for most of my life. I never dreamed that God’s healing could be for me. I had prayed so many times. I had hoped —only to see my hopes dashed when the healing I longed for never materialized. Then I discovered how God could use my wounds to make me not only healed, but whole.

If you’ve ever felt hopeless, hurt, and wounded, too, God has so much more in store for you! God longs for you to experience peace. “Peace” in Hebrew refers to wholeness, completeness, safety, soundness, and fullness. God wants us to be whole —physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I Thessalonians 5:23-24 (NLT) states, Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares how God can use your wounds to make you whole so that you can embrace a life of hope, wholeness, and harmony.

God created us as physical, emotional, and spiritual beings. All three are necessary and important components to understand if we want to build peace into our lives and relationships. At the time we received Christ as our Lord and Savior; He healed us uniquely and completely. Yet, some of our wounds, burdens, and infirmities remain. How can that be? Because as humans living in a fallen world, though we are healed in the spiritual realm, we may not see the fullness or completion of that healing until we reach heaven.

While at the time of conversion, some individuals experience immediate freedom or healing in certain areas, all of us spend our Christian lives “work[ing] out [y]our salvation with fear and trembling.” (Philippians 2:12 NIV) [Additions mine] In other words, we take the salve of God’s healing and apply that salve to our physical, spiritual, and emotional wounds so we can find freedom and peace in areas of our lives we never thought possible. If we were all completely healed at the time of conversion, we would all be perfect then, wouldn’t we? I find great comfort in hearing Paul describe his affliction in 2 Corinthians 12:7–10 (NIV):

“...because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I wish for the church to be more gentle and compassionate with the weaker, more broken parts of the body so we can experience healing and wholeness too. Sometimes our wounds are the safest place we know. If the church can create a safe place for the broken to uncover and acknowledge their wounds, we, the body, can begin applying the salve of compassion and understanding. The broken can then start to heal.

You don’t have to spend the rest of your life limping along. You don’t have to carry the weight of your wounds one day longer. God desires to take your wounds and give you a life of healing and abundance.

I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

Why Authentic Living is The Perfect Place To Thrive

A wise friend once told me, “Lisa, don’t listen to what a person says, watch what they do; what they do will tell you everything about what they believe.”

All of us have encountered people in our lives who have said one thing and done something completely different. These encounters leave us feeling shocked, disappointed, confused.

We like to be with individuals who live out their values and beliefs. They are consistent. What they say and do matches up. Their attitudes, their choices, their behaviors are natural extensions of their most deeply held principles. We feel safe with these people. We trust these people.

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares why living out our values and beliefs is necessary for us to thrive.

Experts have said what you believe (perceive) becomes your reality. You do not believe what you see; rather you see what you already believe. Knowing ourselves requires us to look inside and carefully examine our beliefs and values because they hold the keys to unlocking and creating the reality for which we long.

All of us have an inner system of beliefs and values we have developed over the course of our lives. They are an accumulation of everything we have experienced in our lives from our parents and families, our religious heritage, our friends and peers, education, work experience, and more. If we take the time to identify what we believe, the things we value and why, we are closer to understanding ourselves at a deeper level and gaining insight into what drives and motivates us.

Beliefs are core convictions we generally hold to be true. Our beliefs grow from what we experience, see, listen to, or reflect upon. They can be spiritual, moral, social, intellectual, financial, or political in nature. From our experiences, opinions are formulated and developed.

Sometimes our beliefs are based on truth and sometimes they are not. Nevertheless, they can have a profound impact on our understanding or misunderstanding of the world around us. If we grew up in an abusive household, we might form the belief that love equals pain. Those of us who didn’t grow up with abuse can identify that belief as untrue, but until the abused can recognize that truth and heal from their wounds, that misbelief will impact how they experience themselves and everything around them.

As we appraise our beliefs, we can determine their worth or value in our lives; hence values are a natural extension of our core beliefs. Values are traits or qualities that we deem worthwhile. They comprise our top priorities, and our most deeply felt driving forces. Values can include concepts such as equality, honesty, faith, family, education, courage, effort, determination, loyalty, faithfulness, hard work, integrity, responsibility, excellence, respect, teamwork, freedom, beauty, happiness, empathy, wisdom, security, independence, challenge, learning, compassion, discipline, generosity, optimism, innovativeness, and service.

Emotionally-abundant people take the time to understand historic influences in their lives and begin to identify and develop a clear, meaningful set of beliefs and values. Living according to an internal code of values brings meaning, purpose, and direction to our daily lives. Decisions become easier as our understanding of ourselves becomes clearer. Choices are easier and our stress is reduced. Life feels calmer and more stable.

Do you find your behaviors betraying your most deeply held principles? Do you wonder why you struggle to discover your passion and purpose in life? Do you long to find peace and calm in the midst of the storms in life?

God desires for you to know your identity. He longs for you to find the deep meaning, purpose and direction that come from knowing your beliefs and values and living them out not perfectly, but consistently, day by day.

I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God has for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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How The Power of Investing Can Yield a Life of Abundance and Peace

Live like no one else so later, you can live like no one else. _Dave Ramsey

What Dave Ramsey understands is the power of investing. He is passionate about teaching people how to harness their financial energy so they change the trajectory of their lives and build financial peace.

I believe in a different kind of investing. While I whole-heartedly embrace Dave Ramsey’s philosophy of financial investing, I wonder what would happen if we embraced the notion of emotional investing?

Warren Buffett, one of the wealthiest people in America, stated:

Generally speaking, investing in yourself is the best thing you can do. Anything that improves your own talents; nobody can tax it or take it away from you. They can run up huge deficits and the dollar can become worth far less. You can have all kinds of things happen. But if you’ve got talent yourself, and you’ve maximized your talent, you’ve got a tremendous asset that can return ten-fold.

Most of us simply don’t know how to invest in ourselves. We can barely make it through the day, how can we begin to think about the future?

I believe God created us to have a lifestyle that is dynamic and growing. He did not create us as static creatures. We will find Emotional Abundance and peace as we learn how to invest in ourselves emotionally.

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares the power of investing and how it can hold the key to building a life of abundance and peace. Peace is not something out of reach, it’s not something just for others. Peace is powerful, peace is possible!

When we become passionate about something, we are willing to invest in our passion. I’m passionate about my children, so I’m willing to invest myself in their lives and education. I’m passionate about my faith, so I’m willing to invest myself in my faith. I’m passionate about my friendships, so I invest myself in them. I’m not passionate about exercise though I know I should be. Therefore, I haven’t invested in a great pair of running shoes. Hopefully I will be able to retire one day, so I have become reluctantly passionate about my 401(k).

No matter what we’re doing, we invest in order to yield a certain return on our investment. We invest in our children with the hope our energy and resources will yield successful, happy futures for them. We invest in our faith in order to grow into mature, strong people of faith who can impact our families and communities for Christ. We invest in our friendships so we will have deep, meaningful contact and support throughout the difficult seasons of our lives. We invest in exercise in order to be physically fit and healthy. We invest in our retirements so one day hopefully we won’t have to work, and we can enjoy the fruits of our labor.

Identity investing works the same way and is as important as every other type of investing we do. The problem is we simply neglect this area of investment because something else demands a higher priority. I have routinely worked with individuals who stopped investing in themselves after they got married. Focusing on their spouse or their children seemed natural to them, yet, years after the children moved out, they woke up to find themselves miserable and empty, wondering how they arrived at this place?

The great thing about investing is you can always start. Walking on this journey, we have been laying the groundwork for identity investing. We had to create a safe environment for us to begin tapping into our emotions and to find that unique voice that exists deep inside of us. We need to uncover some of the counterfeit parts of ourselves so we can foster new authentic selves. Once we’ve tapped into our authentic self, we can begin investing in our true identities, which can yield greater peace and self-acceptance, more satisfying careers, and more meaningful and enjoyable relationships.

You can start wherever you are. You don’t have to remain a slave to your life today. There is so much more God has for you! The materials in my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, will take you step by step through the process of understanding identity investing and will offer you simple, practical principles for discovering your core strengths and weaknesses, assessing unique personality traits, defining your beliefs and values so that you can become passionate and purposeful in your life.

There is nothing better than reaping the dividends from identity investing. These life steps can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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When We're Tired of Living a Counterfeit Life

Have you ever bought a counterfeit? Have you wandered the streets of Manhattan and found a bottle of your favorite perfume or a beautiful designer bag for $20?

Did you think it was real? So many of us, whether we knew it or not, have been duped by a counterfeit. It looked real, we thought it was real —until we compared it to the real thing and realized we’d been taken by an inferior imitation!

Counterfeiting isn’t only for perfumes and handbags. Many of us live counterfeit lives. We’re afraid of letting our real selves be known, afraid of ridicule, terrified of rejection. We never let anyone get to know who we really are. We never get to know who we really are. We miss the joy of experiencing the person God created. Living with a counterfeit self, we can never experience abundance, we can never know true peace.

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares the importance of knowing and growing our authentic self so that we can experience the life and relationships we desire.

Let’s face it. All of us at some point, whether we knew or not, have bought a counterfeit. Whether we were looking for a lower-cost prescription medication or simply trying to obtain some designer watch, handbag, or boots at a discount price, we have all been duped by an imposter that looked just like the real thing. If we’re honest, many of us don’t mind being duped. We have lost an appreciation for what’s real because we just want what we want—easy, fast, and cheap. Who cares if the item is real, right—as long as the look of status we’re hoping for is supported?

Unfortunately, counterfeiting hasn’t just impacted the world of luxury goods. Over the past few decades, the practice has filtered down into our medications, our food supply, even our home-building materials. What is the saddest to me, though, is the way counterfeiting has begun to impact our relationships and even our individual identities.

With the increasing popularity of social networks, we can now even counterfeit friends and relationships. People are engaged to, and in love with, others on Facebook who they have never met and who don’t even exist. Even the idea of posting status updates makes us feel pressured to present ourselves and our lives as an ideal picture of who we are, or who we would like others to think we are. We become satisfied with a world of pretend people with pretend identities living in pretend relationships.

The problem with spending so much time and energy creating or living an illusion is we never get to experience the real thing. Somewhere in all of us is a longing for something authentic, something dependable. Nothing fake will ever satisfy our souls like a true connection with a friend, a genuine encounter with God, or an authentic understanding of ourselves.

[clickToTweet tweet="Nothing fake will ever satisfy our souls. #authenticity #peace" quote="Nothing fake will ever satisfy our souls."]

You don’t have to keep up the façade. You don’t have to keep pretending. You can experience authentic love that will never disappoint and will never let you down. God created you with all of your strengths and weaknesses, gifts and abilities, for a reason. He doesn’t want an imitation of you. He wants you! He longs for you to find freedom from everything that’s counterfeit so that you can embrace the unparalleled beauty of your true, authentic self.

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Blessings,

Lisa

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

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About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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How Discovering Our Inner Voice Strengthens Our Relationship With God

 How did that make you feel? It’s a question asked often by therapists. No, it’s not just a waste of time, nor is it an effort to turn us all into emotional washrags.

Every time I ask someone the question, “How did that make you feel?” they almost instantly stop, check into, and evaluate how a situation or a conversation made them feel. Sometimes individuals respond back with a blank expression, sometimes the only word they can identify is “frustration,” sometimes they can articulate a world of thoughts without ever being able listen to, make sense of, or do anything productive with their feelings.

God created our feelings. Our feelings are flashing lights on our journeys that help give us information, feedback, and insight for the road ahead. Our feelings also provide the most direct connection with our inner voice.

“What is an inner voice?” some might ask. Our inner voice is the place where the Holy Spirit communes with us. Scripture says the Holy Spirit would come to comfort, teach, and guide us.   He speaks to us through Scripture, but He also speaks directly to us, deep inside. The problem is, most of us have never learned how to listen to our emotions, much less, quiet all of the outside noise so we can hear Him speak.

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares the importance of discovering our inner voice so that we can build a strong connection with God and ourselves. God is alive and at work within us. We are not alone. Yet so many live without ever experiencing the communion, the abundance, or peace that comes from learning to identify, listen to, and trust our inner voice.

Deep inside each of us is a voice—a quiet, respectful, non-intrusive voice— that acts somewhat like an internal GPS system. If we lean in and quiet all of the chatter that incessantly distracts us, we can hear this voice. Some people call it our instinct. As a Christian, I call the voice the Holy Spirit. As Jesus promised, He resides in us, just to bring comfort, help, direction, wisdom, and guidance for our life’s journey. (John 14:26 NIV)

This inner voice can only be heard once we’ve connected our emotional pipes. Although the voice is not the voice of our emotions, its residence is deep within us. If we’ve shut ourselves off from our emotions, chances are high we’ve shut ourselves off from that voice as well.

As a result of painful, traumatic experiences, many people have learned to completely shut down their emotions as a survival skill. Others learn to live life disconnected from their emotions because they have been taught by their families of origin that emotions are bad (either verbally or nonverbally). They think they hear their inner voice. They believe this is the voice of logic and reason. They like to listen to this voice because listening keeps them at a comfortable distance from everything that isn’t clear-cut, black or white. Yet the voice of logic and reason, more sophisticated perhaps than our emotional voice, is not our inner voice anymore than the voice of emotion is.

Just as some people have been completely cut off from their emotions, others have been entirely lost in their emotions and overwhelmed by them. For a variety of reasons, they have never learned how to adequately calm or regulate their emotions. As a result, the volume of feeling is so high, the quality of thinking so distracted and disorganized, they cannot hear the voice inside either.

As we develop EA, our job is to find that place right in the middle of our thinking and feeling, which allows us to feel our emotions and calm them. Once we have done that, we can use our thinking to process through our emotions and arrive at a centered, peaceful place. Only then will we be quiet enough in our hearts and our minds to hear our inner voice, to listen to the whispered words of encouragement and direction offered for the steps that lie ahead.

Our inner voice rarely lays out the entire road map for us, but like any other relationship, as we learn to build a strong connection and trust our inner voice, we will find comfort in realizing we don’t need to know the entire plan. We’ll find strength in learning to honor our inner voice to take the next steps, whatever they may be. We will discover more about God and more about ourselves along the way.

That excites me! You don’t have to continue to feel drained, empty, and hopeless in your life. God has so much more in store for you! God longs for you to experience peace. “Peace” in Hebrew refers to wholeness, completeness, safety, soundness, and fullness. God wants us to be whole —physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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What Plumbing Can Teach Us About Our Emotions

 Most of us have had little training in understanding emotions or how to effectively deal with emotions in life. What we learned from our families growing up was usually some sort of extreme —families either ignoring, shaming, being completely disconnected from their emotions, or families being entirely consumed by drama and emotion. Few of us have had a balanced approach in dealing with our feelings modeled for us within our childhood families.

We’ve been left to figure out emotions on our own. They don’t teach us emotional health in school, they don’t show us a video on how to manage our emotions well. Yet, studies show that emotional health (or emotional intelligence) determines about eighty percent of success in life.

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that explains what plumbing can teach us about our emotions. Plumbing isn’t usually the first thing that comes to mind when we think of emotions, but adequate, functional plumbing is necessary for the overall functioning of a house. If something is wrong with the plumbing, the aftermath isn’t very pretty. Likewise, when our emotional plumbing is leaking, or has a stoppage, the aftermath isn’t very pretty either. When our emotional pipes are aligned and functioning well, they allow us to find the balance we need to build a strong foundation for abundant living.

When I was growing up, my dad was a plumber. Talk of flappers, traps, valves, drain fields, seals, connections, and fittings was normal conversation at the dinner table. My dad loved his job and was devoted to excellence in everything he did.

Dad would often take my brother and me with him to work, partially to instill in us a strong work ethic, and partially to educate us with the hope that one day, one of us might want to follow in his footsteps. Okay. Maybe the hope was more about my brother following in his footsteps and I was just a tag-along, but let’s not tarnish a memory!

I wanted so much to please my dad and learn whatever he was teaching, but as soon as he would explain something, I would forget what he told me almost as quickly. He could show me an Allen wrench or a tube cutter and, ten minutes later, I’d have a distinct look of confusion on my face when he asked me to hand him one.

What I remember most from those days with my dad is he always gave me the job of painting the ends of the PVC pipes with purple primer. I somehow felt that my job must be incredibly important, so I worked diligently to be the best purple-primer painter anywhere.

Obviously, I was not exactly mechanically inclined, but what I did learn from those experiences with my dad was that the way the pipes worked had a profound impact on the overall functioning of a house. If the pipes were laid out, connected, and sealed properly, the plumbing would function well. However, if there was a leak or a stoppage, the flaw would affect everything else around that failure in the system. You might not see the cause, but a leak could destroy the structure all around and result in an expensive repair.

Our emotional interior is much like the interior of a house. We, too, have emotional pipes that if connected, flowing, and functioning properly, allow our individual selves to function at optimal performance. However, if there is a leak or blockage in our emotional pipes, the result is either a flood or a back-up. For some, there is a complete emotional disconnect. Sadly, they feel that if they can cut themselves off entirely from their emotions, they will never have to experience the potential pain or messiness that can result as a consequence of feeling.

Yet even for those who have cut themselves off entirely from their emotions, the emotions don’t simply disappear. They will drain into, contaminate, and infect some area of their lives whether they want them to or not.

We cannot run away from our emotions. We cannot push them down or close the door on them – not permanently anyway. Emotional Abundance empowers us to find the proper balance between our thinking and feeling, and equips us to become more calm, more present, more thoughtful in responding to the challenges of life.

You do not have to remain a prisoner to your emotions. Nor do you have to expend so much energy to keep your emotions locked away. There is so much more God has for you! There is hope, there is freedom, there is abundance we can experience in our emotions.

I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you connect your emotional pipes and create balance and clarity within your heart and mind. This material will empower you to build a life of indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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Why Learning To Nurture Ourselves Is Vital For Us To Thrive

 It seems no matter how early I used to get up in the morning, I always felt like I was lagging behind. Like I was playing catch-up. Late.  Days were spent getting lunches made, out the door to school, then work, then homework, groceries, practices, dinners and finally a shower after a late night with a science project and a grumpy child, just to do it all again the next day.

If this sounds like your schedule, and you’re caught in the spinning motion of life that never asks, but demands more and more until there is nothing left to give, you are not alone.

Millions of men and women have bought into the notion that they have to be everything for everybody and nothing for themselves. This is not the life God desires for you. There is so much more. There is rest. There is abundance. There is peace.

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares the importance of cultivating the habit of self-nurture into our lives so that we can begin building a life of wholeness and harmony.

In reality, we were not created to be the Energizer Bunny or robots. We each have an emotional fuel tank, and for too many of us, the tank is below empty. We are running on fumes. As a result, prescriptions for anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication are at an all-time high.

While for some, medication is absolutely necessary and beneficial, there are many of us who use medication as an energy drink to keep us pumped up so we can grind out life for one more day. Too many of us wonder why, when we have everything we ever dreamed of, are we so depressed? Even though we love our spouses and our children, our careers and our friends, why do we still feel so empty inside? Why does everything feel so overwhelming?

The truth is I cannot be the best mother, wife, lover, worker, or friend until I have first become the best me. I cannot give anything to anyone around me unless and until I have first given to myself.

Furthermore, I cannot share an opinion in the boardroom, living room, or bedroom if I haven’t spent time alone connecting with and understanding my own thoughts and feelings. I cannot allow myself to be intimately known by another person if I haven’t first spent time becoming intimately acquainted with myself. Indeed, drawing healthy boundaries for myself in a relationship would be impossible if I didn’t know what I felt like when a boundary had been crossed.

Self-nurture thus becomes the emotional radar and rudder of our internal ships. Self-nurture develops the habit of knowing when something unpleasant or unsettling has happened and allows us to make minor, daily adjustments so we can achieve our goals and avoid as much unnecessary drama and conflict along the way. More importantly, as we are continually in the process of discovering new things about ourselves, self-nurture allows us to dream new dreams, to plot new courses, and to build the courage to live this adventure to the fullest, one day at a time, one step at a time.

That sounds exciting to me! That sounds like real living. We will never experience peace in our relationships if we haven’t first found peace with ourselves. Peace begins and ends with understanding and honoring God’s creation, you, and learning how to build a foundation for life the way God intended.

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share simple, practical life steps that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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What Boats Can Teach Us About Healthy Relationships

Relationships can be overwhelming. We all want relationships, but how do you know if your relationship is a good one? What does a healthy relationship even look like?

We hear expressions from Hollywood like, “You complete me,” we sing along with the radio, “I can’t live if living is without you,” we believe that “love means, I should be willing to do anything for you.” Is it any wonder we are slightly confused as to how to create a healthy relationship?

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares what boats can teach us about healthy relationships. Yes – boats. Boats are interesting things. They have an individual identity. They have to maintain their seaworthiness and safety in a sizeable and often turbulent ocean. Boats can teach us a lot about how we as individuals engage in relationships. Boats can also offer us a better understanding of what healthy relationships should and should not look like.

I describe a picture of myself in a relationship as if I were in a boat that is floating in the ocean. I as an individual am in the center of my boat. I may be in a relationship with others, and if they are healthy relationships, they are in the center of their boats, too. Everyone is safe, anchored in Christ, connected with one another.

However, there are many relationships I encounter where someone I love is not in their boat. They are treading water in the ocean surrounding the boat. They do not realize they are drowning, but from my position in my boat, I can see they are drowning. The waves are crashing all around them. The wind is blowing, and the powerful current threatens to pull them under the water.

Because I love my family and friends, I desperately want these people in the boat with me. I know the boat is good and strong. The boat provides the necessary safety and security for my journey. So I make my way to the edge of the boat in order to throw out a life preserver. I try to lean over the edge to reach out to them, but they are just beyond my reach. My efforts are noble and helpful, but at the point I risk falling out of the boat myself while trying to rescue them, I am then useful to no one and in jeopardy of drowning myself.

In order to be the most helpful to the ones I love, in order to have the greatest chance of successfully rescuing or influencing them, I must remain safely centered and stable in my boat. I must make sure I am healthy before I can ever attempt to establish a healthy connection with someone else.

How could I love my family and friends well if I am not able to love and care for myself well? The answer is, I couldn’t. I must make sure that I am safely grounded in my boat, that I know my identity and have created a safe place for my authentic self to flourish, that I am actively pursuing my passions and purpose as I live out my beliefs and values with clarity and courage.

For many of you, that concept sounds terrifying, completely foreign to anything you’ve ever experienced. You are not alone. You don’t have to continue living in relationships that demand too much, give too little and leave you feeling hopeless that life could be different.

Life can be different! I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace in your life and relationships; peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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