How To Stop Running and Start Fighting Back Against Fear - Book Review

Sometimes the only one way to deal with fear – is to fight it. We’ve got to stop hiding in the corner, stop shaking in our shoes. In the face of such an opponent, our only response is to put on our big girl boots and kick fear all the way to the curb.

Fear can take over our lives if we let it. I know it used to take over my life at times. Fear consumed so much of my mental, physical, even my spiritual energy. I felt helpless to overcome the waves of sheer terror that pounded on my heart and mind.

I shared a few months back about my journey with fear and how it had resurfaced recently after more than twenty years. When I had the first panic attack, I said, Aw, just a anomaly. Nothing to worry about. When I had the second I got a bit concerned, and after the third, I began to get serious.

I needed every tool I could find, every ounce of strength I could muster. I needed emotional strength. I needed physical strength. And I needed spiritual strength.

You see, God wants us to use ALL of our resources to fight the battle against the enemy. He doesn’t want us fighting with one hand tied behind our back, tripping over ourselves in our despair and fatigue.

Here are four practical ways you can fight fear spiritually and win the battle once and for all.

Don’t Pretend

Many of us like to color a pig and call it pretty. But it’s not. Never will be. We can’t pretend that fear isn’t real. We can’t run and hide.

Our first step towards healing is to acknowledge that our fear is real so we can begin to face it head-on instead of burying our heads in the sand. Like they say, denial is not just a river in Egypt.

One article in Psychology Today suggests,

A lifestyle of "not-knowing" requires that we subscribe to the old adage that what we don't know won't hurt us.  But the evidence of life shows that this just isn't true.  As a way of life, hear no evil-see no evil-speak no evil is a recipe for disaster.  Denial may offer the appeal of short-term bliss, but it prevents us from taking responsibility for things that really do matter, things we could do something about. 

Give Your Fears A Name

When I’m able to identify my fear, that’s half of the battle.

Are you afraid of —death, dying, heights, or diseases? What about fear of loss, loneliness, rejection, abandonment, intimacy? Is you fear more about shame, criticism, failing, being humiliated or simply being enough? Are you afraid of losing your health, your wealth, your safety and security? Perhaps your fear is about spiders and creepy-crawlies that make you squirm in terror?

Give your fears a name.

Speak The Truth That You Know About God

• God is faithful.

Lamentations 3:22–23 (NLT)The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. 

• God is all-powerful.

Isaiah 40:29 (NLT) He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

• God will never leave you.

Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV) Be strong and courageous. DO not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

• God is for you.

Romans 8:31 (NIV) What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

• God is good.

Psalms 136:1 (NIV)Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.

• God fights for you.

Deuteronomy 20:4 (ESV)For the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies; to give you the victory.

I want to introduce you to one of my favorite fear-fighters. She is my dear friend and blogging mentor, Kelly Balarie. Her website is PurposefulFaith.com.

Earlier this year, Kelly came out with a new book called Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage To Overcome Your Fears and it is just that—a manual to come face-to-face with our deepest fears,  and use God’s strength to awaken our courage and overcome every anxiety, worry, or doubt that stands in our way.

Kelly is a natural cheerleader. When I first entered the blogging community, Kelly was the first to reach out and invite me into her group. Every time I am discouraged, doubting my words or my calling, Kelly is right there to energize and encourage. And that’s precisely what she does with this book.

It’s far less about having shining circumstances or a picture of a sparkling future or an image with no cracks and much more about the small choice to remove your shoes in faith, knowing God’s planning goodness for you. Fear Fighting– pg 42.

She beautifully weaves her own experience with fear and teaches us how to allow the Spirit to rise up within us to help us fight our fears. She shows us how to identify fear-inducers like the devil, control, people-pleasing, worry, comparison, and many more, so we can demolish every fear the enemy would use to defeat us and destroy us.

With a clear action plan and a twelve-week study guide, this book will help arm you, inspire you, and encourage you. It will help you find the bravery and strength you never knew existed so you can discover as Kelly describes, the beautiful woman God created you to be.

What Is a Fear Fighter?

A fear fighter doesn't look around but rather inside for strength.  She doesn't back down to naysayers but says God will help her.  She doesn't see the waves as waters ready to sink her but floats to new heights.

She doesn't fear the truth but voices it, knowing it heals.  She doesn't live a fake faith but finds a small seed within and nurtures it.  She doesn't feel like a puppet, moving to the sway of the world, but dances.

She loses herself in vast Love to find herself loved.  She will be you and she will be me, only by the power of the Holy Spirit.Fear Fighting _pg. 16

This book was named as one of Kathy Lee Gifford’s favorites on the Today Show. It has been a bestseller and there’s a reason why.

We all face fear. We all struggle to silence the roar of lies that invades our hearts. We all long for the bravery of a lion to stop running and start fighting. We dream of facing our fear-Goliath and standing with arms in the sky as we conquer this foe once and for all.

Fear Fighting gives us the roadmap based on God’s Word. I am ready to be a fear-fighter. I’m ready to be done with this mess called fear. I’m ready to live life to the fullest, to find joy, contentment, and peace. Are you ready?

Let’s do this together!

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/15539289

How The Power of Relationship Can Help You Overcome the Monsters In Your Closet

Were you ever afraid of the monsters in your closet as a child? Are there monsters in your life today, areas of your life that you have been too afraid to face, too overwhelmed to muster the courage to conquer?

Me, too. I spent much of my childhood afraid. I was afraid of the dark, afraid of being alone, afraid of being rejected, of being ridiculed, of not being enough.

My fear followed me, like my childhood monsters, into my adult life. They paralyzed me. They crippled me, until I was able to find the key that empowered me to face my deepest fears. It was so simple, right under my eyes, but I never saw it.

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares how the power of relationship can help us overcome the monsters in our closets. We know running away from our fear doesn’t work. We know mantras don’t work. Pills only work for a brief period of time. It is intimate relationship that holds the power to break through the fear that holds you captive and build a foundation for your life that will stand solid and strong.

As a small child, I remember being afraid of the dark. I would get so scared before bed that every night I would scour the closet, search under the bed, and peer in every nook and cranny to make sure there were no monsters or ghosts hidden anywhere in my room. At bedtime, my mother would pray with me, and all would be well until she said goodnight and turned out the lights ... then things would get worse.

I could see the outline of the monsters moving through the shadows as the clouds passed over the moon in the night sky. I could hear creaks in the floor, and I would stay there with my fear rising until I could take no more. Then I would run to the safety of my mother’s room. I remember lying beside her bed on a blanket and thinking that as long as I could feel her hand rest on mine, I was okay, and I was safe! You see, my fear didn’t need a formula; my fear needed a person.

As an adult, what I need is not a mantra, nor a theme song, to pep me up for a few moments. What I need first and foremost is a relationship, an intimate encounter with the God of the Universe, who is so intimately acquainted with me that He numbered the hairs on my head.

Perhaps as we start our journey there, we will be able to muster the courage to face the monsters in our closets. I’m not saying this is a three-quick-steps-and- you’re-cured program. What I am proposing is a lifetime journey that begins with a relationship with your Heavenly Father.

I sometimes wonder what life would feel like today if I could actually feel God’s hand rest on mine, quietly, simply, as I make my way through the ordinary and sometimes unbearable tasks of the day. Though I cannot tangibly feel Him, He wants me to know Him intimately and to rest in Him just the same.

God wants to be more than a distant judge with a set of rules. He is so much more than a genie in a bottle. God wants to grow a relationship —an authentic, powerful relationship with you that will change your life forever. Being with Him, knowing Him, trusting Him will give you the strength and confidence to face whatever challenges or fears that threaten to overwhelm you today.

I share simple, practical life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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Four Proven Strategies That Can Help Make You a Better Decision-Maker

Overwhelmed.  I sat with the application for graduate school in my hands, but for some inexplicable reason, I could not make a decision.  For weeks, I could not put the stamp on the envelope and mail it in. 

What-if’s paralyzed me.  What if I hate it?  What if I love it?  What if I am terrible at school?  What if I am great at school?  What if it has been too long since I’ve been in school?  What if it is too much for me to handle?  What if I am too old?

The negative thoughts were endless.

I always wanted to go to graduate school.  Me, the plumber’s daughter who barely thought it possible that I might go to college at all, wanted to go to graduate school.

My husband, the courageous one, said, What have you got to lose?  If this is not the right program, you could simply switch and try something else you might like better.

I could?  That seemed too easy.  Surely there must be something else I am not considering.  I felt an immense pressure to make the right decision, the perfect decision.

Isn’t that what traps us all at times – the pressure to get things right, perfect?  Decisions, it seems, weigh heavily.  Trapped underneath the weight of ought’s and should’s and must’s and if’s, we can find ourselves teetering on the brink of collapse at the very notion of what might befall us.

So, how do we know if we’re making a good decision?  What is there that can help us feel more confident about taking the next step, whatever that step may be?

There are four proven strategies I’ve learned that can help make you a winning decision-maker.

1.  Learning the Art of Calm.  I don’t know about you, but when faced with a decision, I can almost feel my blood pressure rise and my heart start pumping faster.  My mind is dizzy and scattered.  I can’t feel confident about any decision when I am physiologically stressed because it shifts me into fight or flight mode.  My thinking becomes confused and disorganized, which makes decision-making even more difficult.

Learning to calm our bodies and quiet our minds with deep-breathing techniques, helps us to release all of the thoughts flooding our minds so we can arrive at a place where we are mentally and physically calm and centered.  We can never make healthy decisions when we are in a stressed state, which is why this step is vital.  Some of my worst decisions have been made when I made knee-jerk decisions in a moment of stress or emotion.

2. Developing the Habit of Information-Gathering.  When faced with a decision, my “go-to” power step is to begin gathering information.  Are there articles I can read online?  Is there an expert in the field to whom I can ask questions?  Does this fit me – my personality, my strengths and weaknesses, my beliefs and values?  Does this feel like a natural extension of where I am going or does it feel like a left turn?

There are no right or wrong answers.  We just won’t make a well-informed decision without the answers to some of these questions.  For me, the additional benefit to developing the habit of research is that is helps calm me.  As I gather information, I usually feel less overwhelmed.  I can see the picture more clearly.  The more detailed information I collect usually provides a sense deep inside as to whether something feels right or not.  Some people may call this their gut instinct, I call it my inner voice, that distinct, loving, compassionate voice of the Holy Spirit, moving and breathing inside of me.  Longing to speak in only the way He can speak.  Beckoning me.  As I gather information prayerfully, the pathway before me usually becomes more clear, more illuminated.

3.  Committing the decision to prayer.  So I come to this place.  I've calmed myself.  I've done my best to gather information and wisdom that will help me make the best decision possible.  Now I cover my decision in prayer.  I release.  I submit - my will for God's, my plans for His, knowing that His will is infinitely better, His thoughts infinitely higher than mine could ever be.  In this moment I am free.  In casting my cares upon Him, He will order my steps.  I need not fear.

For me, I don't want my strategies.  I don't want my will.  I want His will more than anything.  Prayer releases whatever hold I may have, whatever desire to which I may cling.  Prayer prepares me to step out, though I may not be able to see where I am going.  The outcome may be hazy and unclear, but my identity, my passion and my purpose gives me the courage to move.  My destination is owned by my Heavenly Father and that is forever crystal clear.

4. Daring to Take the Next Step.  So I step.  Out into the unknown at times.  But I step.  I’ve learned that paralysis will never yield the result I want, nor will it lead me where I want to go.  I have learned through the years that most decisions do not carry life-or-death, all-or-nothing outcomes.  Every decision can be an opportunity to learn and grow.

If somehow along the way, I made a mistake, that is okay.  I don’t have to get everything right the first time.  I certainly don’t have to be perfect.  I just have to try my best.  And if for some reason, I did take a left turn —well, I can calm myself, gather more information, and take another step in a different direction.

Ultimately, individuals who are actively involved in taking steps in their lives, even if they make a mistake, build a forward momentum that carries them where they want to go.

What is the decision you face today?

What is the weight that looms over you, that threatens to paralyze you and keep you trapped right where you are?

Don’t let a decision overwhelm you.  Don’t fight against it.  Don’t run from it.

Walk right up to your decision,

learn the art of calm,

develop the habit of information-gathering,

commit your decision to prayer,

and dare to take the next step!

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I'd love to hear about how you've approached decisions in your life and how you've dared to take the next step!

Thanks,

Lisa Murray, LMFT

Director of Counseling Ministries

Grace Chapel

(615)294-3424

www.lmurraycounseling.com