ASK LISA - How Do I Stop The Cycle of Anger?

Ask Lisa is an advice post for people who write in to me, asking questions about a specific problem or situation.  Although this is in no way a substitute for therapy, my hope and prayer is that it gives encouragement and direction for whatever you face.

If you have a specific question you would like answered, write in.  I’d be glad to tackle it together!

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Dear Lisa,

I know you write about emotions, but I have to be honest that it is something I still struggle with. My mother never showed any emotion —except anger— and no matter how hard I try, I find myself lashing out in anger with my children.  I always promised myself that I would never be like her, yet I am helpless to stop.  

My childhood was filled with abuse, addiction, and neglect.  I can’t think of anything happy or warm about it.  The more chaos I saw as I child, the more I shut down.  I hid behind a veneer of nothingness.  I never let myself feel anything.  That’s how I survived.  Though inside I could sense that things around me weren’t normal, it was the only life I knew.  In my teens, I went to alcohol and drugs to numb the pain inside.  To allow myself to feel would have been too overwhelming for me.

Having been in recovery for three years, I am learning for the first time how to feel.  It is the single hardest thing I have ever done. Sometimes it seems easier to go back, to once again run from and mask the feelings of pain.  But I can’t.  I am committed to myself —the child in me who was wounded so long ago.  I am committed to her healing, learning to love her so that I can learn to love my children and parent them well.  My question is this—how do I stop the cycle of anger? Why am I unable to respond in a healthy way to my children?  I want freedom.

Sincerely,

Angry in Arkansas

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Dear Angry,

Thank you so much for your authenticity in sharing the realities not only of your childhood, but your recovery and anger issues.  It takes so much courage to be able to let down our defenses and acknowledge the truth of our situation. First of all, let me say that my heart breaks to hear of your childhood.  No child should ever experience the pain that you felt when you were so young.  Part of your healing journey is to grieve for that little girl, to let her know she is seen, to mourn with her for what she endured for so long.  I encourage you, as part of your recovery, if you haven’t done so, find a grief recovery group or therapist to walk with you during that process.  I imagine part of your anger is associated with grief, as anger is one of the five stages of grief (shock, depression, anger, bargaining, and acceptance), and is needful for you to experience in a healthy way.

As I hear you recount how you survived childhood by shutting down, I would ascertain that you never learned to feel or deal with your emotions and learned instead to stuff them and/or numb them.  Dear friend, you will never find full healing until you can a) give yourself permission to feel and, b) learn how to calm yourself IN your emotions so that you can talk yourself through them more productively.  As children, we learn our primary responses to emotions through watching and mimicking our parents (or primary caregivers).  You are simply repeating how you saw your mother deal with her emotions.  

You can choose to cultivate a different relationship with your emotions.  You can step beyond and discover ALL of your emotions —how to feel them, name them, calm them, and talk yourself through them. CLICK TO TWEET  I do encourage as well that you find a good therapist who can guide you along the way, so that you can experience the internal calm and confidence that comes from knowing how to regulate our emotions effectively.

For many, anger puts us into “fight-or-flight” mode where we become reactive vs. responsive to a situation. In those moments, allow yourself to walk away. Do not parent in anger. Calm down, think through how you want to respond to your child, what appropriate consequences need to be enacted. Breathe. Outside the moments of anger make the commitment to no hitting, no swearing, no name-calling, no screaming. If you need to scream, go to your room and scream into a pillow.

Lastly, I do encourage you that you are probably doing better than you think. You have been committed to recovery and that is such a courageous step to take for yourself and your family. All parents fail, we all lose it with our kids.  We do.  Don’t shame yourself.  The enemy would love nothing more than to see you spiral in your shame back into addiction. Remember that you are on your journey. Shame steals while compassion heals. CLICK TO TWEET

God loves you.  He has a plan for your life.  He is healing, and teaching, and growing you to become the woman He designed from the beginning.  Hold onto that.  Don’t let go. You are the Beloved.  You are His child.  You are becoming.  I believe you will learn how to manage your anger, I believe you will learn more and more who you are in Christ, as a woman, a wife, and a mom.  I believe that God has future for you —Jeremiah 29:11 (MSG) says, I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

Keep going.  Don’t stop now.  The work you do now can change the legacy for your entire family!

Blessings, 

Lisa

**The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. 

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FREE GIFTS!!

If you struggle to feel, name, or work through your emotions effectively, I’ve created several powerful resources, including my Emotions Chart, Emotional Intelligence Toolkit to help you grow in your emotional wellbeing and equip you to walk well in your life and relationships. They are FREE (along with my ENTIRE resource library) when you subscribe to my weekly newsletter and will empower and equip you to discover the spiritual, emotional, and relational healing and wellbeing you’ve always desired!

Claim your gifts now!

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Eight Traits Emotionally-Intelligent People Use For Success - (plus, find out your Emotional Intelligence score NOW!)

I used to think I was fairly smart.  I graduated at the top of my class, got a full scholarship to college.  I should have had everything necessary for success —but I didn’t.

Emotionally, I was a wreck. Though I had a good IQ, my EQ (emotional quotient) wasn’t very high and that impacted everything —my career, my relationships, everything.

Daniel Goleman, one of the prominent researchers on emotional intelligence found that only 20% of success in life was determined by our IQ, while 80% of our success is determined by our EQ.  That’s right – 80%.  

Last week  I wrote about God’s design for our emotions. 

 If you missed it, you can read ‘Why Your Emotions Matter More Than You Think.’

I’ve found eight traits emotionally-intelligent people use for success not just in their careers, but in all of their relationships as well. Make sure to read to the end and take our Emotional Intelligence Quiz!

1.       They’re more self-aware.

Individuals with emotional intelligence are able to accurately self-reflect.  They know their personality, their core strengths and weaknesses, as well as environments that will bring out the best in them.  They don’t allow their weaknesses to hold them back.  Rather than beating themselves up for what they don’t know or struggle to do well, they focus on creating strategies to improve skill sets so they can achieve their goals.

Emotionally-intelligent people have cultivated a healthy relationship with their emotions. They understand, in developing a healthy relationship with their emotions, an amazing thing happens: they no longer have to be afraid of their emotions, nor do they have run from them. The simply deal with them. CLICK TO TWEET

2.They live with balance.

Because they have a high level of self-awareness, they instinctively know how to cultivate and maintain balance in their lives. Whether at work or in their personal lives, they understand how to take care of themselves well in order to be the best they can be in every area of life.  They eat well, get plenty of rest, and foster interests outside of work to establish and enjoy a greater sense of wellbeing.

3.They’re not perfectionists.

While emotionally-intelligent individuals are highly motivated and accomplished, they recognize that perfection is impossible.  Instead of creating an impossible cycle of unrealistic expectations followed by frustration and shame, they focus their energies on doing their best, maintaining flexibility, and learning from their mistakes.  

4. They’re curious about life.

They’ve learned to cultivate an appreciation for varied and unique experiences.  They are curious and passionate, knowing how to explore and learn new concepts and skills. Their curiosity makes them equally open to asking questions as well as to adapting to new solutions.  Curious people are delightful people who haven’t lost their innate sense of wonder in a complex world of responsibilities.

5.  They’re empathetic with others.

An essential quality of EQ, individuals are well-skilled in their ability to relate to others.  They can listen, understand, and offer empathy to others as they share thoughts, feelings, and experiences.  This better communication and reduces conflict both in the workplace and in personal relationships.

6. They’re growth-oriented.

Individuals with high EQ aren’t afraid of change. Because they are open to learning new things, they embrace growth as a necessary and important part of life. They are eager to accept challenges and usually adapt well even under difficult circumstances.  In seeing the bigger picture, they can mobilize internal strategies to adjust and energize around new problems and circumstances.

7. They’re grateful.

Living with gratitude has an enormous impact on our level of Emotional Intelligence.  People who have a grateful disposition look for things big and small for which they can be thankful. Click To Tweet  They are generally satisfied with life and rarely allow negative feedback or people to influence their lives or their decisions.

8.  They bring out the best in others.

Because they are at peace with themselves, people with EQ are able to see coworkers and friends not as threats, but as assets.  Not needing to be defensive with others, they instead create a safe environment in which others can thrive.  They love to see colleagues, friends, and family reach their potential and are motivated by cooperation rather than competition.  

How many of these qualities are you able to identify? Do some seem to come naturally while others seem overwhelming?

The best news about Emotional Intelligence is that it can be cultivated and nurtured throughout our lives.  Where we are today does not have to determine our future.  

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How can You find out what Your Emotional Intelligence is?

I’ve included this quiz for subscribers as part of my Resource Library that will help you get a baseline of your EQ.

My book, Peace For A Lifetime: Embracing a Life of Hope, Wholeness, and Harmony Through Emotional Abundanceis all about learning the skills to lower your anxiety, lower the drama in your life, increase your Emotional Abundance, and maximize your peace!

The more we increase our level of EI, the more stable, positive, and productive our lives become, and the less chaotic, reactive, and hopeless our relationships feel.  This is the single greatest area we could invest in for ourselves, our children, and our futures so that we can achieve our best life!

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Why Your Emotions Matter More Than You Think (and 3 ways to cultivate a better relationship with them)

Emotions can be pesky little things.  We can try to run from them, we can try to get around them, yet they always surface when we least expect them.

We’ve all grown up with different beliefs about emotions.  Some of us were taught (verbally or nonverbally) that emotions are bad —a sign of weakness —to be ignored or pushed away in favor of logic and reason, which are safer, better, it would seem.  Others grew up in households where emotions ran high, where feelings were shouted rather than spoken, and individuals lived in the chaos of emotional highs and lows.

Add to this the spiritual dimension where many in the church are often taught that good emotions are good —blessings to be pursued and enjoyed —while bad emotions are bad —attacks from the enemy, a sign of sin for sure —and we can become lost in a hurricane of confusion without ever knowing how to calm the internal storm.

That’s where I landed. Confused.  A mess, really.  I had no understanding of God’s design for my spiritual/emotional wellbeing, nor could I even fathom a life of stability, wholeness, or peace with my emotions.  

The word emotion comes from the French word ‘emovoire’ – to excite, and is defined as, ‘a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others, instinctive or intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.’

Here’s the truth —God designed us as emotional beings.  He did, and He declared that it was good. (Gen. 1:31, NIV) God created all of our emotions, not just the positive ones.  Jesus experienced all emotions (Hebrews 4:15-16, NIV), and He did so without sin.  John Calvin memorably summed it up, ‘Christ has put on our feelings along with our flesh.’

There is nowhere in Scripture where it defines the victorious, Christian, self-actualized life as one where we reach a nirvana of emotional bliss and get to skip the line for despair, sorrow, anger, rejection, and a whole host of other negative emotions. Jesus didn’t, so why should we?

We will find the abundant life God designed for us the more we recognize the importance of our emotions and learn to pursue a life of Emotional Abundance, which is defined in my book, Peace For A Lifetime, as, ‘the over-sufficient supply, the overflowing fullness in the area of our instinctive, intuitive feeling responses as we come in contact with our environment and our relationships.  It is the ability to feel our emotions, to reason through our emotions, to understand our emotions and to effectively manage our emotions so that we can appropriately respond to the people and circumstances around us.  It is the capacity to meet the demands of everyday life and create meaning, in order to move forward in a positive direction.’ 

Here are three ways we can start today to develop a healthy relationship with our emotions and experience a life of strength, stability, and peace.

1.   Don’t Stifle Your Emotions.  

Face them.  Feel them. We will never lead the life we want to lead, we will never experience stability if we live our lives running from every feeling that lies around the corner.  

Stifling our emotions is not only hazardous to our emotional health, it is hazardous to our spiritual and physical health as well. Suppressed feelings don’t evaporate; they eventually burst out and wreak havoc in our lives. We all know the mess a burst emotional pipe can make. Ulcers and migraines. Family feuds and broken friendships. Anger and retaliation. Emotions are not bad; stifling our emotions is bad. 

If you have a hard time developing a healthy relationship with your emotions, my book Peace For A Lifetime, teaches all about emotions and can equip with step by step instructions on how to experience the abundance and peace in every area of your life!

2.    See Your Emotions As A Gift From God To Guide You.

No, our emotions shouldn’t control us, but God put them there to give us the first indications that something is going on inside us that God wants to use to get our attention.  Learning to welcome our emotions in an appropriate way, is the first step towards understanding them and using God’s two other great gifts —the gift of our mind and the gift of our will —to speak the truth to our emotions, to calm them, to care for them so that we can take healthy steps forward on our journey.

As long as we see our emotions as the enemy, we will remain in a constant state of defeat and despair.  The reason —we cannot live a life without negative emotions.  The stresses and circumstances of life invite them. Trying to simply pray them away or run from them, is not only an impossible task, it is not what God has for you.  He wants you to build balance, health, and understanding in your relationship with your emotions.  Do it, and watch what happens.

3.  Learn To Glorify God In Your Emotions.  

John Piper says that, ‘God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.’

When we develop a healthy relationship with our emotions, an amazing thing happens: we no longer have to be afraid of our emotions, nor do we have to run from them. Finding clarity, truth, healing, understanding, and direction, in our emotions yields the gift of abundance and peace that extends into all of our relationships, even our relationship with God.  

I don’t know about you, but I long to find my deepest satisfaction in God.  By discovering healing and wholeness in my emotional life, it binds together and strengthens my physical and spiritual self as well.  

That is the wholeness God talked about in I Thess. 5:23 (AMP) when it says, Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you through and through [that is, separate you from profane and vulgar things, make you pure and whole and undamaged—consecrated to Him—set apart for His purpose]; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept complete and [be found] blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

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FREE GIFTS!

If you struggle to feel, name, or work through your emotions effectively, I’ve created several powerful resources, including my Emotions Chart, Emotional Intelligence Toolkit to help you grow in your emotional wellbeing and equip you to walk well in your life and relationships. They are FREE (along with my ENTIRE resource library) when you subscribe to my weekly newsletter and will empower and equip you to discover the spiritual, emotional, and relational healing and wellbeing you’ve always desired!

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Ask Lisa—What Do I do With A Daughter Who Is Out Of Control?

“Ask Lisa” is an advice post for people who write in asking questions about a specific problem or situation.  Although it is in no way a substitute for therapy, my hope and prayer is that it gives encouragement and direction for whatever you may be facing today.

If you have a specific question you would like answered, write in!

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Dear Lisa,

I am writing you because I don’t know what to do.  My daughter Emily is 23 years old.  She has been working in our family business since she graduated high school.  She is disruptive to our business as she is often late, is disrespectful to everyone, and has a poor work ethic.  I brought her on because I wanted to train her from the ground up in the hopes of her taking over the business one day.  I’ve removed her from projects, disciplined her, talked to her privately, but to no avail.  Everything seems to be spiraling and it is affecting my other staff.

To make matter worse, she has had a history of anxiety and depression.  Currently, I fear she isn’t taking her meds or going to her therapy appointments. All she seems intestered in is partying with friends, which can't be helping matters. What do I do? I love my daughter but I can’t continue going on like this.

Sleepless Mom in Seattle

Dear Mom,

Such a challenging situation for any parent!  We love our kids and want to do everything we can to make their lives as stable and successful as possible.  Yet as our kids grow into adults, we can no longer control them or corral them to ensure their safety.  We can’t. We can love our kids, pray over them, and encourage them.  But when they won’t listen, sometimes the only thing we can do is draw healthy boundaries for ourselves that hopefully bring them face to face with the reality of their life and situation, boundaries that allow God to intervene, changing and transforming them in ways we never thought possible.

I can tell you love your daughter and are concerned not only for her future career and financial stability, but also for her mental health issues.  I would encourage you to consider setting up a time to meet with her privately.  Detail specifics of her job performance.  Express your desire to have her continue working with your company, but set clear expectations for what would have to change in order for her to do so, including a timeline for meeting each expectation.  If there have not been any consequences thus far for her behavior, you could define specific consequences for each infraction (ie. Sent home and docked a day’s pay if late, etc.), but there has to be a willingness on her part to change.  If she doesn’t see a problem and doesn’t seem inclined to change, the best course of action might be to let her go.

If you are not sure exactly what healthy boundaries look like or how to implement them, I encourage you to get my book,Peace For A Lifetime, which will help you understand and create healthy boundaries for all of your relationships.

Allowing her to experience the real world with real bosses to whom she's not related might be the best life-teacher.  Doing everything for them rarely grows anything in them.

Many parents have adult children with mental health issues, which I know can make the situation more complex. However, somewhere along the way, adults, even if they are your children, have to learn to assume responsibility for the own mental/emotional wellbeing.  As a parent, you could agree to pay for psychiatric visits, meds, and/or therapy as long as they are willing to consistently show up for appointments.  Beyond that, in most situations, there is little a parent can do to make sure their adult child (especially if they are not living with you) is taking their meds or doing their part to maintain their mental/emotional stability.  

Your focus has to be on taking care of yourself and your business appropriately.  You need to make sure you have someone to talk with, a strong support system at church, as well as good self-care.  Pray over what your boundaries need to be, set a date to communicate your boundaries, and be prepared to follow through with them.

I’ll be praying for you!

Lisa

**The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require professional, psychological or medical help, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional in a clinical setting. 

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Because It Takes a Warrior Mindset to Win The Spiritual Mind War #BattleReadyBook

It steals in quietly before the first flicker of dawn.  It’s grey shadows move across my unconscious mind, hovering overhead, bearing down on my disquieted sleep.

One tiny thought disrupts any hope of peaceful rest and within an instant pulls me under, dragging me into the deep where thoughts swallow me whole like the whale that swallowed Jonah.

Fear.Cold, callous fear.At times, fear consumes me before I can even catch my breath.

An enigmatic enemy, a formidable foe and an opportunistic oppressor, fear steals the ground underneath my feet and leaves me hanging by a thread.Lost, without hope.

Hopelessness betrays any prospect of faith and holds me both terrorized and terrified by the deep pangs of fear itself.My body knows the tremors.It has memorized the movements within and almost instinctively sways underneath such a fierce weight.

Charles Spurgeon once said of fear,

The worst evils of life are those which do not exist except in our imagination. If we had no troubles but real troubles, we should not have a tenth part of our present sorrows. We feel a thousand deaths in fearing one, but the (Christian) is cured of the disease of fearing.

Sometimes my battle with fear has gotten the best of me, but I’m no longer surrendering the fight in my effort to escape its terror.I’m not sitting back, waiting for its mighty force to invade my peace sanctuary.No longer holding my breath in dread, hoping it somehow passes me by, because in reality, it never does.

I’m learning to attack it…with a vengeance.This is all-out war and I’m in training to become a mind warrior, a thought gladiator.I’m purposing myself for the fight and I’m going in battle-ready!

No matter what our struggle is, be it fear, panic, worry, or despair, the battle will be won or lost in our minds and as Christians, we have so many tools to fight the spiritual battle —and win.Here are three truthsI’ve learned from the book, Battle Ready: Train Your Mind to Conquer Challenges, Defeat Doubt, and Live Victoriouslyby Kelly Balarie, that can equip each of us —because it takes a warrior mindset to win the spiritual mind war!

#1 Truth —We have a spiritual enemy who is trying to defeat us

Sometimes we lose focus.Sometimes the circumstances of life distract and overwhelm us to the point we forget the most important thing —this is war, and we better prepare ourselves to win, or be prepared to lose.

It’s that simple.

Ephesians 6:12(NIV) says, For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm.

I Peter 5:8-9(NIV) also says that, Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

They say the best defense is offense. That’s why we don’t have the choice of sitting back, of settling in, or of living our spiritual life on cruise control.

And God is right here in the battle with us. He sees us in our struggles, He understands every sorrow and every soul ache.He stands there waiting for us —to lead us, guide us, coach us and strengthen us for the fight.He wants us to be aware so that we can be prepared.

We have an enemy who is trying to defeat us…but we know that, the One who is in [us] is greater than the one who is in the world. (I John 4:4, NIV)

We’ve got this, if we lean in and seize it.

#2 Truth —We can become mind warriors for a spiritual mind war

We don’t always have to run from the demons in the headlights.We don’t have to cower at the thought of battle.We don’t.

Our power comes from within.Christ in us, the hope of glory, lives within and He gives us the supernatural power to take back the negative thought-patterns, the destructive beliefs about ourselves and others, and reclaim our minds as God’s territory.

In Battle Ready,Kelly Balarie states, The thoughts I sow create the life I reap.

Battle Readyexplains so much about the types of negative thinking and how they form destructive neural pathways in our brains.But the great news is, our brains are flexible, a trait called neural plasticity, and what was learned can be unlearned, giving us the power to train our minds toward more hopeful, more truthful, more compassionate internal thought patterns.

Take the ‘Find Your Battle-Style Quiz’NOW and create a personalized daily battle plan !!!!!

2 Corinthians 10:5(NIV) also tells us to, demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

If the Bible commands us to take every thought captive, perhaps it is because He has already empowered us to do it. We don’t have to wait for the miracle, the miracle is here.

It is our choice whether we engage the battle to win, or sit quietly on the sidelines and settle into the rhythms of defeat, succumb to the ‘I can’t’mentality, and surrender the war that Christ has already won on our behalf.

We can become mind warriors in this spiritual war, and we can win.The battle has already been won.Let’s go claim the victory.

#3 Truth —We can prepare for battle with prayerful minds and thankful hearts

When we are focused on our fear, consumed by our circumstances, it is hard to feel prayerful or thankful for much of anything.All we see is an endless desert wasteland and all we want is to see the Promised Land.

Like the Israelites wandering in the wilderness, we grumble.We complain.We despair.

We say,

How did this happen?

Where is God?

Why have You not rescued me?

A prayerful mind says,

I feel overwhelmed, but I will cast all of my cares on You.

I don’t know what to do, but I will put my trust You.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know You hold my future.

A thankful heart says,

Thank You for Your faithfulness to me in the midst of my circumstances.

Thank You for Your goodness at work in my life even when I can’t see.

Thank You for the gift of Your presence because that is all I need.

So subtle, yet so powerful.Battle Readyshares strategies to teach us how we can shift our focus and cultivate prayer and thankfulness as a battle strategy to overcome and win.

Phillippians 4:8 (NIV)encourages us, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

So when the grey shadows try to steal quietly overhead, when darkness moves in at the first light of dawn attempting to drown me in fear, I have a battle plan. You can have a battle plan, too.You can recognize the enemy.You can become mind warriors for this spiritual mind war we’re in.You can prepare for battle with prayerful minds and thankful hearts.

Our God has won, so I know we will win.We will win as long as we’re geared up and Battle Ready!

Would you take 30 seconds of your time and click here, scroll down and vote for #10 in the comments section?It’s that easy.Would you also help share across your social media platforms, encouraging others to vote as well?

Take the ‘Find Your Battle-Style Quiz’NOW and create a personalized daily battle plan !!!!!

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

My Prayer For New Things and New Dreams In 2018

Revelation 21:5 (ESV)And He who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also He said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Sometimes it is the hardest thing to stay as clay, soft and supple. Sometimes the cold is so bitter the safest thing to do is to bury wounds deep enough we never have to risk them seeing the light of day, of being exposed.

But buried wounds only grow more brittle and cracked with time. Buried wounds never feel the warmth of tender hands leaning in to lovingly caress weary soul-sores.  Nor do they feel the fire of life as blood flows in and covers the most broken and raw aches that have left us limping for so long.

Yes, in many ways we’ve grown accustomed to our limp. We barely recognize the unconscious compensation, the halting steps, the fatigue. The wound is ours and along our path it has somehow become our identity.

So when the Spirit sweeps into our heart and whispers, behold I am making all things new, we feel certain He doesn’t mean that.

Surely there are other areas for Him to mature or meddle, whichever end of the emotional scope we perceive He is peering.

Dear one, you can be sure He means that.

Don’t run away. This time, this year, be kinder, more intentional with yourself. Don’t busy yourself with other’s growth, other’s healing so that you distract yourself from your own.

Healing is where the plow is laid for a harvest of life, of love to grow.

[clickToTweet tweet="Healing is where the plow is laid for a harvest of life, of love to grow." quote="Healing is where the plow is laid for a harvest of life, of love to grow."]

Ann Voskamp describes, New life happens in you when you aren’t afraid of the deaths that happen before resurrections.

Don’t allow the enemy to steal your next resurrection. Don’t allow him to keep you wandering in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19 (NIV) encourages us, See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

So as you enter this year, risk a little more. It takes courage to go with God into our soul spaces and allow Him to reveal areas He wants to heal in you.

Where is He leading you this year?

What are the areas of your life He wants to bring healing, to breathe life?

What is the old He is calling you to make new in 2018?

It may get a little messy. That’s okay.  The deepest meaning is cultivated from the messes He has made beautiful.

More than anything, keep your eyes on the prize. Can you not perceive it?, the verse asks. Don’t let the enemy lull you into a dim vision of your future, your destiny. Hold onto the freedom God has for you.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) reinforces God’s truth when He says, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I am excited to walk with you to encourage you along your healing path, to comfort you in your sorrows, and to cheer you in your successes. I am excited to see how God takes a little healing from each of our lives and uses that to bring healing in the lives of those around us.

Full circle.  Yes, full circle.

If you have a specific prayer, a goal, a place that God wants to breathe into this year, please email me, message me, PM me. It will always be confidential, but I would love to pray with you specifically this year!

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

How To Stop Running and Start Fighting Back Against Fear - Book Review

Sometimes the only one way to deal with fear – is to fight it. We’ve got to stop hiding in the corner, stop shaking in our shoes. In the face of such an opponent, our only response is to put on our big girl boots and kick fear all the way to the curb.

Fear can take over our lives if we let it. I know it used to take over my life at times. Fear consumed so much of my mental, physical, even my spiritual energy. I felt helpless to overcome the waves of sheer terror that pounded on my heart and mind.

I shared a few months back about my journey with fear and how it had resurfaced recently after more than twenty years. When I had the first panic attack, I said, Aw, just a anomaly. Nothing to worry about. When I had the second I got a bit concerned, and after the third, I began to get serious.

I needed every tool I could find, every ounce of strength I could muster. I needed emotional strength. I needed physical strength. And I needed spiritual strength.

You see, God wants us to use ALL of our resources to fight the battle against the enemy. He doesn’t want us fighting with one hand tied behind our back, tripping over ourselves in our despair and fatigue.

Here are four practical ways you can fight fear spiritually and win the battle once and for all.

Don’t Pretend

Many of us like to color a pig and call it pretty. But it’s not. Never will be. We can’t pretend that fear isn’t real. We can’t run and hide.

Our first step towards healing is to acknowledge that our fear is real so we can begin to face it head-on instead of burying our heads in the sand. Like they say, denial is not just a river in Egypt.

One article in Psychology Today suggests,

A lifestyle of "not-knowing" requires that we subscribe to the old adage that what we don't know won't hurt us.  But the evidence of life shows that this just isn't true.  As a way of life, hear no evil-see no evil-speak no evil is a recipe for disaster.  Denial may offer the appeal of short-term bliss, but it prevents us from taking responsibility for things that really do matter, things we could do something about. 

Give Your Fears A Name

When I’m able to identify my fear, that’s half of the battle.

Are you afraid of —death, dying, heights, or diseases? What about fear of loss, loneliness, rejection, abandonment, intimacy? Is you fear more about shame, criticism, failing, being humiliated or simply being enough? Are you afraid of losing your health, your wealth, your safety and security? Perhaps your fear is about spiders and creepy-crawlies that make you squirm in terror?

Give your fears a name.

Speak The Truth That You Know About God

• God is faithful.

Lamentations 3:22–23 (NLT)The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. 

• God is all-powerful.

Isaiah 40:29 (NLT) He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

• God will never leave you.

Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV) Be strong and courageous. DO not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

• God is for you.

Romans 8:31 (NIV) What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

• God is good.

Psalms 136:1 (NIV)Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.

• God fights for you.

Deuteronomy 20:4 (ESV)For the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies; to give you the victory.

I want to introduce you to one of my favorite fear-fighters. She is my dear friend and blogging mentor, Kelly Balarie. Her website is PurposefulFaith.com.

Earlier this year, Kelly came out with a new book called Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage To Overcome Your Fears and it is just that—a manual to come face-to-face with our deepest fears,  and use God’s strength to awaken our courage and overcome every anxiety, worry, or doubt that stands in our way.

Kelly is a natural cheerleader. When I first entered the blogging community, Kelly was the first to reach out and invite me into her group. Every time I am discouraged, doubting my words or my calling, Kelly is right there to energize and encourage. And that’s precisely what she does with this book.

It’s far less about having shining circumstances or a picture of a sparkling future or an image with no cracks and much more about the small choice to remove your shoes in faith, knowing God’s planning goodness for you. Fear Fighting– pg 42.

She beautifully weaves her own experience with fear and teaches us how to allow the Spirit to rise up within us to help us fight our fears. She shows us how to identify fear-inducers like the devil, control, people-pleasing, worry, comparison, and many more, so we can demolish every fear the enemy would use to defeat us and destroy us.

With a clear action plan and a twelve-week study guide, this book will help arm you, inspire you, and encourage you. It will help you find the bravery and strength you never knew existed so you can discover as Kelly describes, the beautiful woman God created you to be.

What Is a Fear Fighter?

A fear fighter doesn't look around but rather inside for strength.  She doesn't back down to naysayers but says God will help her.  She doesn't see the waves as waters ready to sink her but floats to new heights.

She doesn't fear the truth but voices it, knowing it heals.  She doesn't live a fake faith but finds a small seed within and nurtures it.  She doesn't feel like a puppet, moving to the sway of the world, but dances.

She loses herself in vast Love to find herself loved.  She will be you and she will be me, only by the power of the Holy Spirit.Fear Fighting _pg. 16

This book was named as one of Kathy Lee Gifford’s favorites on the Today Show. It has been a bestseller and there’s a reason why.

We all face fear. We all struggle to silence the roar of lies that invades our hearts. We all long for the bravery of a lion to stop running and start fighting. We dream of facing our fear-Goliath and standing with arms in the sky as we conquer this foe once and for all.

Fear Fighting gives us the roadmap based on God’s Word. I am ready to be a fear-fighter. I’m ready to be done with this mess called fear. I’m ready to live life to the fullest, to find joy, contentment, and peace. Are you ready?

Let’s do this together!

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/15539289

Is Rest The Forgotten Key To Your Emotional Wellbeing?

Rest. Typically not a word in my vocabulary.

I was coming up to the weeks before my vacation, barely hanging on by a thread. I didn’t even notice how tired I was. My body moved slowly, numbly in its predictable, mechanical motions of the day. Though I accomplished all of my responsibilities, it grew challenging to be present, much less to focus. I could hardly tell how cloudy my mind had become. How disconnected I felt. Unsteady.

The travel rituals that usually include a fun summer read, some writing, catching up on emails, this time contained sleep and a half-dozed perusal of “The Shack,” that I had wanted to see for some time, but now could barely recall any scenes, if you asked. My only collected awareness was that the seat beside me was miraculously empty, leaving me just enough space to twist my feeble limbs in a sequence of contorted positions, all in pursuit of a little rest.

The first few nights away I noticed how heavy my sleep was, as if someone was holding me in a cavernous, murky, basin of darkness, which I was helpless to fight against and could only shyly succumb. It felt good somehow. Slowly, sweetly, sleep became more rhythmic, more unassuming, allowing me to wake rested and refreshed.

Was my body finally telling me that it had worked too hard, carried too heavy a load —or was I, for the first time in a long while, listening? It can be so hard for me to listen sometimes. Hard for all of us, if we’re honest.

Have we grown so accustomed to silencing the needs of our bodies that the state of exhaustion is normal? Have we developed patterns of pushing through, all the while applauding our woeful disregard for our soul’s care and nurturing?

We live in a world where late nights and early mornings validate our human struggle, where doing without physical or emotional sustenance equates with a personal suffrage of sorts. We pass the days telling ourselves when this project is over or this season is done, then we can rest, then we can breathe. Quietly, we believe our own lies.

Lies that tell us —

…we are not enough.

…we don’t deserve good things.

…love must be for others, not for us.

…we must strive.

…we must earn.

…we must prove our worth.

Ever feel that way? Ever feel the swirl of self-defeating, self-condemning lies that invade your mind with the power of a hurricane and knock you to the ground, pulling you away from yourself and away from the rest that would be the medicine for everything that torments you and keeps you chained to your perilous busy?

Reclaim Your Heart

To tend to everyone else’s problems, to meet everyone else’s needs, seems easier, doesn’t it? Easier to numb our messy feelings than to have them spill over into our disinfected and whitewashed heart spaces. Easier to stay strong than to make ourselves vulnerable. Easier to do than to be.

We live our lives this way, one day to the next. Capable and functioning. Excelling. Surviving. We find ourselves at once too busy trying to BE God that we are never transformed BY Him.

And still, somewhere deep inside, in the shadowed places no one knows, the very depths we try ourselves to avoid, we are weary. We yearn for rest. Heart rest. Soul. Rest.

God created us for rest.  It is a pilgrimage we must choose, to follow our heart and to follow our Abba, Father to His rest.

Isaiah 30:15 (ESV) tell us that, For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, ‘In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.’ 

One of my favorite passages, Matthew 11:28-30 (ESV) urges us, Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

That word. Rest. Say it. Inhale it. Over and over.

When we finally stop trying and start resting, start allowing His love to pour over us and into us, we find Him changing us in the strangest and most intimate ways.

We start believing—

…we are loved.

…we are the Beloved.

…we can make room for ourselves, for Him.

…we don’t have to live striving.

…we can do less.

…we can breathe.

…we are enough.

In the midst of hectic schedules, busy routines, men, women, moms and dads, need rest as a crucial, though often forgotten, key to their emotional wellbeing. Find out why rest is so important for you, too!

We All Need Emotional Margin

Every person needs to take one day away.  A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future.  Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence.  Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.  Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us. ― Maya Angelou, Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now

What does your emotional margin look like? Where does rest exist in the rhythm of your routine?

Claim it. Cultivate it.

Rest is where we find our truest selves in Christ. Rest is where we can listen to our heartbeat, where we can dream again, risk again, perhaps even love again. Rest has so much to teach us and tell us, if we will listen.

Allow rest to be the unapologetic rhythm that guides your movements and your schedules. Allow His rest to uncover the songs and the stories buried inside your heart that are longing to dance out loud.

So you can live a better story. 

Today.  

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Blog

Sep 17, 2019

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Sep 17, 2019

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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Five Rules You Need To Read Before Posting On Social Media

Today, within a two-minute span I saw two posts on Facebook —one screaming in all caps that you, cannot be a Christian and be a Democrat, the other proclaiming that, if you call yourself a Christian, you cannot be a Republican. Republicans are evil, and Democrats are godly. Two separate people. Two separate posts. Two different parts of the country.  Are you serious?!

As I’ve quietly perused social media in the wake of the Charlottesville incident, my heart grows ever weary and troubled. The way we talk to each other, the permission we give ourselves to be arrogant, condescending, hateful to each other, is alarming. What’s worse is that some of the harshest diatribes are offered, in the name of Jesus. Really?

This wounds me to the core. What concerns me the most is not necessarily the content of our conversations —differing opinions have never bothered me. What concerns me is the dynamic that is occurring in these online exchanges. Perhaps because I am trained to analyze communication styles and teach couples which qualities work and which qualities don’t work in their relationships, seeing how online conversations escalate from respectful disagreements to all-out war, is disconcerting, at best.

I wrote in my book, Peace For A Lifetime, about the importance of relationship dynamics. There are certain characteristics of communication that determine a couple’s viability and strength. Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist and leading researcher on relationships and communication, suggests that it is not if a couple fights but how they fight, that determines whether their relationship will survive.

You see, we will all disagree with someone at some point in our relationships. Gottman even argues that 70% of a couple’s disagreements are unresolvable, yes unresolvable. Only 30% of a couple’s disagreements are actually resolvable. Therefore, it is how they interact and communicate around the 70% unresolvable issues that will determine if they can create the safety and respect necessary to build a healthy, strong relationship.

The same principles at work within the microcosm of couple relationships, I believe apply in a larger sense to our relationships online, within our families, and across our nation. It is how we are communicating and interacting with one another that is destroying our ability to coexist, interact, and solve the problems of this great nation.

I’ve come up with some rules for communicating on social media and in real life relationships that will help move our families and our country forward, and will breathe new life into all our online relationships.

Before posting anything, take a breath. A long breath.

Ask yourself if what you are typing is necessary, if it adds anything to the larger conversation. Sometimes less is more. I am in no way suggesting that we silence our hearts or remove our voices from being heard on important topics, but sometimes every fleeting thought or feeling doesn’t need to be injected on each post or comment with which we disagree. It just doesn’t.

I try to be careful about when I post, comment, etc., because that post is rarely the last word of the thread, and the emotional rancor from the discussion that follows almost always steals my peace. Someone always comments, always rebuts, always disagrees, no matter what I share. Reading follow-up comments, replying, thinking of the perfect “comeback” keeps me from enjoying my day and from directing my energies toward the people and purposes God has called me to invest myself.

We need to ask ourselves, Do I really need to share? Is it worth it? Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn’t.

Be humble.

You are not God. You are not the ultimate authority on every aspect of political, religious, and cultural life in this country. Your perspective is valuable because it is uniquely derived through your set of experiences, both historic and present, and therefore has merit as a member of the human race and as a citizen of this country.

However, it is not your job to set everyone straight, to label, criticize, or condemn. Sorry. Emotionally-abundant individuals are able to hold on to their unique identity, their values and beliefs while being close to someone who may be different from them. It wouldn’t be okay for someone to require us to abandon ourselves in order to be close to them, and it is not okay for us to demand anyone else abandon themselves either.

We can agree to disagree. Respectfully. Calmly.   We can create a space where two perspectives can coexist safely without fear, intimidation, without shame or condemnation.

Be kind.

If you feel the need to post or comment on social media, use the same rules your mother taught you about how to treat others.

• If you can’t say something nice (with kindness, respect, care, or concern), perhaps you shouldn’t say anything at all.

• Treat others how you would want to be treated.

• Bullying anyone is never okay. Period.

Somehow on social media, it becomes easy to lambast someone from the safety of our computer with impunity. Many of us would never say the things we say on Facebook to someone face-to-face. We rally against bullying, hate, and discrimination in our social circles all the while we are bullying, hating, and discriminating against others online.

Share how you feel —your personal emotional experience. When this happened, it made me feel (fill in the blank.) Share your individual perspective, but be careful to avoid criticism, condemnation, defensiveness, and sarcasm.

Belittling statements, broad judgments, name-calling, and insidious corrections of someone else’s opinion as if we were elected to be the righteous police —these serve only to destroy. They not only destroy our opponent, they destroy us.  They form a cancer of bitterness that infects us slowly from the inside out. Worse yet, they will destroy our relationships. Ultimately, they will destroy our nation.

Be fair-minded.

If you are going to hop on your bandwagon about the atrocities on one side of the political aisle, you should also be willing to speak out against the atrocities in your own party.

We have become masters at victimization. We are well-schooled at claiming offenses, inciting outrage, and denouncing the opposition on issues that are important to us. All the while we remain stunningly silent on offenses that are equally egregious and shameful, simply because they don’t fit our agenda.

If we are truly speaking from a place of justice, then we should seek justice for all. That means that we speak up for our black brothers and sisters, that we denounce all forms of hatred. It also means that we speak up against corruption, division, hateful rhetoric, all forms of bigotry and violence, no matter where it arises, whether it is convenient to our cause or not.

Listen first.

Truly listen. Listen to understand, not to correct, rebut, or defend. There is a personal experience behind every opinion, an honest story behind every belief that we should seek to access, lean into, and be curious about. Stop trying to win the argument. Perhaps winning comes more from hearing and considering another’s perspective. It is here that God can enlarge and expand our hearts, shattering the rigid confines of our myopic experience.

We will never solve the great woes of this land by trying to shame, annihilate, or subjugate the other side. The other side isn’t going away and they are not changing their minds, no matter how much you may want them to. Our country is trembling. She is crying out for each of us to lay down our weapons and work together. Pray together. Listen to each other. Really listen.

Are you tired of the hate on social media? Here are 5 simple rules for men, women, individuals, and teens , for sharing effectively online.

In the end, we will only move forward if we move together. We can, we must. Stop waiting for someone else to take the first step, let’s each decide that we are the first step. We will get there, one step at a time. God is faithful.

Sometimes when we feel like the chaos is too consuming and we are becoming our worst selves, God steps in and creates pivotal moments where we can choose to be our best selves, to be who God created us to be. To love, to serve, to do daily as Micah 6:8 (NIV) exhorts us…

To act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God.

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Blog

Feb 20, 2018

Four Things We Can Do To Fight Back Against Violence and Evil

Feb 20, 2018

Feb 20, 2018

Feb 6, 2018

For Every Parent and Child Who Feels The Struggle of Being 'Raised Up'

Feb 6, 2018

Feb 6, 2018

Oct 3, 2017

My Letter To Anyone Who Is Willing To Start The Conversation on Race

Oct 3, 2017

Oct 3, 2017

Aug 22, 2017

Five Rules You Need To Read Before Posting On Social Media

Aug 22, 2017

Aug 22, 2017

Jun 6, 2017

Six Steps Parents Can Take To Protect Their Teens From Porn

Jun 6, 2017

Jun 6, 2017

May 23, 2017

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?

May 23, 2017

May 23, 2017

Apr 18, 2017

An Open Letter To Ms. Hatmaker and Anyone Who Feels Lost In Good Friday

Apr 18, 2017

Apr 18, 2017

Mar 21, 2017

How To Teach Your Child Respect – In This Political Climate

Mar 21, 2017

Mar 21, 2017

Jan 31, 2017

The One Thing Missing From The Conversation Over Immigration

Jan 31, 2017

Jan 31, 2017

Jan 24, 2017

Why Christians Should Lead The Way In Empowering Women

Jan 24, 2017

Jan 24, 2017

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

How To Know When It’s Time For Your Millennial To Move Out

I was sitting on my back porch a few weeks back, reading quietly while sipping on a hot cup of coffee. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed one of my juniper trees start to shake. All of a sudden, I saw what looked like a tiny round blob drop like a paperweight to the earth. It appeared lifeless, it exerted no movement —until right before it hit the ground, two small wings sprouted and the baby bird flew off excitedly into a nearby tree.

It took a second for me to realize there was even a bird’s nest in the tree, much less to determine that what I witnessed was the final moments of a baby bird’s effort to leave the nest. It wasn’t pretty. It didn’t look hopeful. In fact, everything told me that whatever it was would surely wind up as a splat at the bottom of the tree.

But it didn’t. As so many baby birds have done in the past, they all have a similar experience, a collective moment when they can no longer reside in the safe confines of the mama bird’s nest, when they must take that step into the unknown, and they must learn how to fly.

Interesting how different things have become for Millennials learning to fly today.

Recently Pew Research Center released a study stating that Millennial's most popular living arrangement is living at their parent’s house at 32.1%. Instead of cheering our children while they launch, instead of nudging them out of the nest, many parents these days appear horrified at the notion. It seems our ideal is to do everything we can to delay the move, to minimize the risk, and to make our Millennial’s transition to adulthood as seamless and as secure as possible. To remove any uncertainty, any challenges, and as a result, any growth.

How can we as parents know when our love for our children isn’t loving at all? How can we give them the greatest chance for success in life? And how can we know when it’s time for our adult children to move out? Here are three signs that it is time for your Millennial to leave the nest and learn to fly.

When They Stop Struggling

Growth is always a struggle. It’s not supposed to be easy. Developmentally, this is where resilience is cultivated, where our identity, our confidence in our competence, and our purpose in life are forged.

Participation trophies don’t give kids a strong self-concept. Doing kids' chores for them so they can sleep in doesn’t produce a strong, developed character capable of meeting their own physical, emotional, or spiritual needs. Only struggle, yes struggle prepares them to lean into life as well as their relationships in the midst of the storm without going under when the going gets tough.

Malcom Gladwell offered, A lot of what is most beautiful about the world arises from struggle.

Albert Bandura described that, In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life.

So why do we parents remove every aspect of struggle from our children’s lives? Why do we desire for our children to remain fragile, weak and underdeveloped?

We need to begin seeing struggle as agift—a good gift at that. When they are not struggling, when there is no external battle for forward momentum and independence, it is time for our Millennials to leave.

Here are a few signs:

• When they spend more time on the couch than we do, they are not struggling.

• When they are not actively putting together and implementing a plan for school or work, they are not struggling.

• When most of their day is spent sleeping, but their social life in the evening is busier than ever, they are definitely not struggling.

• When they give you their grocery list and/or bills to pay, most likely they are not struggling.

• When they don’t have money to pay for rent or the cell phone bill, but they have plenty of money for manicures, dinners out with friends, new clothes, new games, and other luxuries, they are not struggling.

When They Stop Growing

From the time we are born until the time we die, we should be growing. We were created to grow. In some way, we should be moving, learning, stretching, and healing whether we are 5 yrs old or 50 yrs old. Yet many Millennials today prioritize enjoyment in life over growth. When they are not actively growing, they become sapped of energy and creativity, drained of the very curiosity that would engage them, focus them, or give them passion for something that could become their purpose in life.

Purpose does not come upon us externally as a lightning bolt. Purpose is only cultivated within.

[clickToTweet tweet="Purpose does not come upon us externally as a lightning bolt. Purpose is only cultivated within." quote="Purpose does not come upon us externally as a lightning bolt. Purpose is only cultivated within."]

Home should not become a breeding ground for stagnation. Home should provide fertile soil for our adult children to grow. If we do not see them actively growing, then it is time for them to go. A new environment with all of its struggles and challenges is most likely the perfect environment for them to persevere, to overcome, to build purpose and to thrive.

American psychologist, Abraham Maslow, stated, In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety.

The question becomes, do we want our children to thrive, or are we more interested in them needing us? Do we get our sense of self as good parents by doing everything for our children, and for providing for all of their needs? Do we feel guilty that because we have been successful in life we owe our children a certain lifestyle?   Are we afraid that if we don’t provide for our children, they will not figure things out?

Here are a few signs:

• When it’s clear your child isn’t getting anywhere at work, they are not growing.

• When your child has no definite educational, financial, or career goals with specific timelines, they are not growing.

• When your child hasn’t offered to mow the lawn, do the dishes, clean the house, or run errands, they are not growing.

• When your child isn’t developing healthy patterns and/or routines for eating, exercise, spiritual growth, or relationships, chances are they are not growing.

• When your child continually demands their rights and freedoms while ignoring any responsibility or accountability, they are probably not growing.

• When your child’s bank account does not increase by at least the monthly rent cost of a room or an apartment they would have rented, they are not growing.

When They Stop Dreaming

Many of our life’s accomplishments began as a dream. I remember dreaming as a teenager and young adult of everything I longed for in life. I dreamed of career aspirations, I dreamed of marriage and family life, experiences, travel, and a million other possibilities. Somewhere in the process of dreaming, opportunities to invest in my dreams usually came alive.

If our adult children are not actively dreaming, actively imagining what their lives could be, they will not be in a position to connect with opportunity should it arrive. They will feel uncertain, doubtful, overwhelmed. Many will struggle with anxiety and depression.  Not having the active, accelerated psychological energy to move when a door opens will prevent them from engaging in the kinds of activities that will ultimately help them make their dreams come true.

When they are not dreaming, they are merely existing, and they will never muster the emotional energy it takes to leave. And no, gaming is not the same as dreaming. They should spend more time dreaming about their long-term goals than they do on immediate wants or needs.

Anais Nin said that, Dreams are necessary to life.

Poet and author, Victor Hugo, also stated that, Each man should frame life so that at some future hour fact and his dreaming meet.

If they are not actively invested in planting emotional, financial, and occupational seeds for their future, it is time to leave. If they are not intentionally pursuing their dreams, they will never move beyond their dependency on us into independent, dynamic adults.

Here are a few signs:

• When their only dream is what you will be making for dinner, they are not dreaming.

• When their dreams consist of what new video game, what new outfit, or what new vacation they want, they are not dreaming.

• When most of their time, energy, and/or income is spent on entertainment, they are not dreaming.

• When their greatest plans are about what they want right now instead of what they want for their lives later, they are not dreaming.

• When they look to you to dream for them or provide their dreams to them, they are not dreaming.

We as parents love our children. We want them to succeed in life to build a bright and hopeful future. We must get out of the way.

Deuteronomy 7:9 (NIV) tells us, Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations…

We must recognize when our own emotional issues are preventing us from taking the steps we need to help our Millennials move into their future, and get help to deal with our own emotional issues.

We can help them. We can love them. Most of all, we can pray for them. We can lovingly nudge them out of our living room and into their life. We can. We must. They are counting on us!

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Blog

Apr 23, 2019

Two Lessons About The Wisdom and Wonder of Parenting - guest post by Chip Mattis

Apr 23, 2019

Apr 23, 2019

Mar 19, 2019

ASK LISA - How Do I Stop The Cycle of Anger?

Mar 19, 2019

Mar 19, 2019

Jan 29, 2019

Ask Lisa—What Do I do With A Daughter Who Is Out Of Control?

Jan 29, 2019

Jan 29, 2019

May 29, 2018

Four Ways Parents Can Minimize Stress While Maximizing Kids' Wellbeing

May 29, 2018

May 29, 2018

Feb 6, 2018

For Every Parent and Child Who Feels The Struggle of Being 'Raised Up'

Feb 6, 2018

Feb 6, 2018

Jun 27, 2017

How To Know When It’s Time For Your Millennial To Move Out

Jun 27, 2017

Jun 27, 2017

Jun 6, 2017

Six Steps Parents Can Take To Protect Their Teens From Porn

Jun 6, 2017

Jun 6, 2017

Apr 25, 2017

Four Life-Changing Reasons Children Need To Hear The Word “No”

Apr 25, 2017

Apr 25, 2017

Mar 21, 2017

How To Teach Your Child Respect – In This Political Climate

Mar 21, 2017

Mar 21, 2017

May 31, 2016

Six Myths About Being a Good Mom

May 31, 2016

May 31, 2016

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Authenticity and The Courage To Let Your Real Self Shine Through

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The truth is, sometimes I’m not fine. There are moments my day hasn’t gone great, and yes, some days the weather really does stink.

That’s what I want to say at least, but I rarely do. How about you?

There are a lot of things about me I don’t say, many truths I keep tucked inside, hidden in the bottom drawer of my heart, for fear others wouldn’t want to hear about what’s really going on with me. Somehow I believe if I let them see the real me, they might think I’m crazy, too much to handle. Or they might just reject me altogether.

So I’ve learned to edit myself. If we’re honest, I think most of us edit ourselves. We’ve learned to do a fair job stitching together the prettiest sides of ourselves to show people while keeping the worn and ragged edges hidden out of sight. We pray no one will notice and try to convince ourselves that our patchwork looks as good as new. As long as no one gets too close.

Up close is where the reality of our threadbare and disheveled selves might poke through. Where the tears, the insecurities, the pockets full of unworthiness spill their ugly selves onto our identity. It isn’t pretty.

The problem is, all the years I hid my truest self, all the years I kept everyone at arm’s length, I also kept the beauty of intimacy and vulnerability from ever reaching my impenetrable, fear-filled heart.

Relationship is the casualty of a guarded heart, the victim of pretense and shame.

Authenticity at its core is transparency and admission of failure. It's the rejection of insincerity and hypocrisy. It's truth-telling about all areas of life, even our soul spaces, where our greatest fears and sorrows reside.

[clickToTweet tweet="It's truth-telling about all areas of life, even our soul spaces, where our greatest fears reside." quote="It's truth-telling about all areas of life, even our soul spaces, where our greatest fears and sorrows reside."]

Brene Brown describes authenticity as, the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.

Authenticity is a gift not just to ourselves, but to all of our relationships. Here are three ways you can start to cultivate authenticity and let your real self shine through.

Claim Your Belovedness

The more we as Christians own our worth based on God’s incredible love for us, the more we can begin to see ourselves as worthy, not based on performance, certainly not based on perfection, but based on position. Upon Whose we are. God’s beloved children.

Henri J.M. Nouwen describes, Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved." Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.

When our worth is based solely on other’s acceptance or approval, it is a roller-coaster waiting for the next dive. It is inconsistent at best, bumpy throughout, and at some point always crashes to a halt.

However, knowing ourselves and our worth as God’s beloved, in whom He delights, is the strongest foundation for each of us to become curious, eager —to explore, to create, to dream, and possibly even to dare.

Resist The Urge To Strive

Striving is a lethal drug for a perfectionist. We remain almost helpless to resist its power, its compulsion to prove, to perform, to achieve. Yet striving will almost certainly destroy us from the inside out. It fills us with fear and empties us of any courage or creativity.

Striving has been one of the fiercest competitors throughout my life, and I would dare say, it has gotten the best of me many times in the past. What makes resisting the urge to strive so difficult is how intensely our culture celebrates it. We revere the pursuit of acquisition, we extol the virtue of accomplishment, and fantasize that rest is waiting for us just across the finish line. Until we cross the finish line, and realize that even here, there is no rest. Just another finish line, another demand, another task to prove our worth.

Martin Luther expressed, I have held many things in my hands, and have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.

Once our worth is settled, we can rest in believing whether we succeed or fail, whether we are celebrated or not, whether our ranking on amazon.com is at the top or on the bottom, we are enough. Period. Our performance is not attached to our worth.

Be More Emotionally Honest

No, that doesn’t mean to emotionally vomit on anyone and everyone with whom you come into contact. Emotional honesty simply means we become more intentional about accepting ourselves —our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, opinions, and perspectives —and we are not afraid to share appropriately and respectfully with those around us.

Psalm 32:1-2 (NLT) states, Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record the LORD has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty!

Do you share freely your opinions with others, even if they differ? Do you find yourself withholding your thoughts and feelings from the people around you? Is your highest priority not to do or say anything that might make people unhappy with you?

We can find healthy, compassionate ways to let our true selves shine through without being disrespectful or unkind. The more we feel worthy, the easier it is to risk potential ridicule or rejection from others because we don’t need their approval to feel good about ourselves.

Mother Teresa shares, Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.

If you find yourself longing to let go of the façade or craving a place that is real, you can begin today to cultivate authenticity in your life.

Claim Your Belovedness. Your worth is settled.

Resist The Urge To Strive. You are enough.

Be More Emotionally Honest. Let the real you shine through.

Authenticity embraces our healing journey in its totality —the journey toward accepting who we are, toward becoming more courageous, toward embracing who we are not yet, but who we will one day be. The journey is beautiful, it is hopeful.  It is the way of peace.

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?

The demise of fairness and the ability to tell the good guys from the bad ones

I often think back to the 90’s with a feeling of nostalgia for a decade that seemed as hopeful as it was prosperous. As an idealist right out of college, I listened to Paula Cole’s famous song and believed that most of us were cowboys —that we understood the ideals of right and wrong, and measured out justice, like John Wayne, with impartiality and integrity. That’s what I believed back then, anyways.

I was quite the dreamer in those days. Like all the good western movies, life seemed a little more clear-cut, more uncomplicated somehow. As I looked around I felt in my heart we were all on the same team, rooting for the same cause, our great American dream. We could easily tell the good guys from the bad guys and we were thrilled to see the good guys come riding in on their gallant white horses to save the day. To bring the bad guys to justice. It all seemed so simple.

Who are the good guys?

As I have witnessed the combined narratives of mainstream media, Facebook threads, and general water-cooler conversation these days, I find myself asking, Where have all the cowboys gone? How did we arrive at this place where our country is less important than our party, and where justice is seen only through the lens of an elephant or donkey?

I speak not against a particular party, but against an insidious trend in culture that is pitting us all against each other. Dividing us. Destroying what made this little experiment of a country so special in the first place.

We act less like Americans and more like spectators at a boxing match, waiting with baited breath for any sign of weakness, any notion that our guy is getting ready to land the final knockout blow. Where our guy is hailed the champion and the other is resigned to a dark corner of the locker room.

It appears our moral indignation and righteous anger ends at the door of our party affiliation. We become suddenly, strangely quiet when our guy takes a hit, or stumbles and falls. We jeer with a foaming anticipation at the missteps of someone, anyone, as long as they are on the other team.

We are no longer fair-minded. No longer wise. No longer models of Christ’s character. We as Believers should never be known more for our political positions than we are known for our faith, our character, our integrity.

We should be the cowboys—the model for those above the fray, who are fair-minded, with a solid standard for character and integrity. We should be able to tell the good guys from the bad guys and be willing to hold all of the bad ones to account.

Here are few questions to consider:

• Are our standards held equally for those in power?

Romans 3:23 (NIV) states, For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Romans 3:10-12 (NIV) adds, There is no one righteous, not even one.

• Are we open to consider the failings of everyone impartially, even those on our side, so to speak?

James 2:1 (ESV) tells us, My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory.

James 3:17 (ESV) goes on to state, But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

• Can we be slow to speak, quick to listen, and fair in judging the words and actions of others, regardless of their party affiliation?

Micah 6:8 (ESV) says, He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

Romans 2:11 (ESV) declares that, God shows no partiality.

Exodus 23:1-33 (ESV) further asserts, You shall not spread a false report. You shall not join hands with a wicked man to be a malicious witness. You shall not fall in with the many to do evil, nor shall you bear witness in a lawsuit, siding with the many, so as to pervert justice, nor shall you be partial to a poor man in his lawsuit. “If you meet your enemy's ox or his donkey going astray, you shall bring it back to him. If you see the donkey of one who hates you lying down under its burden, you shall refrain from leaving him with it; you shall rescue it with him. ...

• Do we care more about our side winning than righteousness prevailing?

Proverbs 21:3 (ESV) tells us, To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.

• Do we care more about proclaiming our perspective than we do proclaiming the name of Jesus?

Mark 12:28-31 (ESV) shares, And one of the scribes came up and heard them disputing with one another, and seeing that he answered them well, asked him, “Which commandment is the most important of all?” Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Hebrews 6:10 (ESV) reminds us that, God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for his name in serving the saints, as you still do.

Challenging Our Better Selves

The truth is, one side is not all bad, nor is the other side all good.  

Matthew 7:3-5 admonishes us, Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

We should stand up for what is right, no matter who is in office. We should be sad when anyone falls or stumbles. Whether they have a “D” or an “R” next to their name, we should want wrongdoers to be held accountable for their words and actions. The hypocrisy of selective moral outrage has to stop—if we want our country, our communities, or our relationships to survive and thrive.

Could we all take a breath and remember not only who we are, but Whose we are? The world around us is watching. Are we just as angry, outraged, cynical, and vitriolic, as everyone else out there? Can we speak our perspective from a place of respect, fairness, openness, and consideration of all? Do we know what our values, beliefs, and moral expectations are or do we define them based on what someone else is doing/not doing?

We really need to think, my friends. We need to examine our idea of fairness, our idea of justice. We need to consider how we tell the good guys from the bad guys. Consider who we are, and who we want to be. I don’t know about you, but I want to be a cowboy.

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About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Four Life-Changing Reasons Children Need To Hear The Word “No”

Yes, I heard it a lot growing up. The word no. It’s such a little word with a lot of influence on parents and kids.

No, you cannot watch television all day.

No, you may not skip dinner.

No, you may not use the car.  

This word has fallen out of vogue in many families, almost like an old shoe that no longer fits.  We've opted for a more friendly, egalitarian approach to raising our kids. We read all of the parenting books that told us somehow we could raise kids with full, tender hearts and no wounds.  We learned to flitter around like butterflies and protect our little ones from any heartache or disappointment that a bad grade or a missed field goal would inflict. In the process we removed the word no from our vocabulary, as if in removing the word, we would remove any broken promises or tear-stained moments from their lives.

We know that many times we say no too often and too easily. We know when it's always on the tip of our tongue and right on the surface of our heart, the word no renders it less effective. We know that used in anger and frustration, this word can destroy a child’s soul and dim the flicker of hope in their eyes.

What I am coming to believe, though, is that by never saying no, we as parents are becoming increasingly overprotective.  As a result, we are producing children who have a belly full of I want's, that's not fair's, and I deserve's that leave them emotionally starving, fragile, and ill-equipped for the real world. Because they have never had to feel what it feels like to stumble and fall, nor build the I can attitude that comes from persevering in the face of obstacles and opposition, they are in essence, set up to fail.

In a recent HuffPost article, Lori Freson, M.A., LMFT says, News flash: Kids need you to say ‘no.’ Children are not emotionally or developmentally equipped to make major decisions or rules, or to self-regulate. That’s your job. And if you don’t do it, your child will feel a sense of confusion and internal chaos.

I know we're all doing our best to make it through the day, but perhaps we need a different perspective on our parenting. As Dr. Robin Berman, Los Angeles-based psychiatrist and author states, Parenting is not a democracy; it's a benevolent dictatorship. While we need to listen better so that we can hear our kid's emotional heartbeat, we also need to stand firm when we draw boundaries for respect and responsibility, if we want our children to dream big dreams and see them come to life.

[clickToTweet tweet="Parenting is not a democracy; it's a benevolent dictatorship. _Dr. Robin Berman" quote="Parenting is not a democracy; it's a benevolent dictatorship. _Dr. Robin Berman"]

Proverbs 3:11-12 (NIV) says, My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

There are four reasons our children NEED to hear the word no:

They need to learn how to respect others.

Many young adults today have little respect in their hearts.  They've had a lifetime of training that has led them to believe they possess equal power and position to the adults in their lives.  Focused primarily on getting what they want, they resist respecting their parents, grandparents, teachers, or coaches based on their position of authority in their lives.  You can hear it from teenagers all around— I respect my parents when they let me do what I want to do.

The problem is that as these kids of ours become adults, if they have not been taught a healthy respect for authority, they will always be fighting against someone—their bosses, their spouses, and yes, even God.  By saying no to them now, we are allowing them to learn firsthand how to respect us as the God-given authority in their lives.  And yes, we are also teaching them how to respect God.  What a world of blessing to them as they start building their lives in a complex world filled with even more complex relationships.

Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.  I Peter 2:17 (NIV)

They need to learn that the world owes them nothing.

Most of us have experienced having to live with no’s in our lives—whether they are no’s to our career ambitions, to our hopes and dreams, even to our health and wellbeing. It doesn’t take too long in adulthood to realize that no can be a common, if not undesirable theme.

When kids get everything they want, they get entitled, and when they get entitled, they get selfish, according to Britney at Equipping Godly Women. If we want our children to thrive, they need to experience what no feels like so they can develop better self-reliance and resilience, both necessary traits to successfully accomplish their goals in life. Children who never hear no's are rarely grateful for the yes’s in their lives.

[clickToTweet tweet="Children who never hear no's are rarely grateful for the yes’s in their lives." quote="Children who never hear no's are rarely grateful for the yes’s in their lives."]

So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’  Luke 17:10 (NIV)

They need to learn to recognize warning signs to danger.

If children are never told no, they fail to develop some important internal cues that will protect them from potentially harmful or dangerous situations. Whether it is, No, don’t touch the hot stove, or No, don’t play in the street, parents need to remember that children are not small adults.  They have not yet fully developed advanced cognitive reasoning skills needed to assess risk and employ protective strategies. It is our job to teach them.

By placing limits and saying no, children learn to recognize early signals to potential danger and develop the necessary skills to keep themselves safe. They are better at learning whom to trust, and when to trust, experiencing less heartache and disappointment from learning how to deal with toxic people and situations.

The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.  Psalm 22:3 (NIV)

They need to learn to regulate their emotions.

Many times parents avoid telling their children no, not because it is right or called for but because they fear upsetting them. They fear disappointing them.  They fear losing their love.  Fear of our children and their moods should never be the guiding factor behind our parenting.

Our children need to feel the pangs of disappointment that come from no and learn to sort through the most uncomfortable, even hurtful emotions more effectively. We cannot spend our lives trying to protect them from every pain and discouragement that comes along. We CAN prepare them to deal well in any situation life will bring.

Romans 8:28 (NIV) says, We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.

Psalms 42:11 (NIV) states, Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

I am not suggesting we become tyrants or overuse our no’s.  We need to also reach into their tender hearts and listen to hopes and dreams that don't have words, and unpack the wounded moments that they are, in their own way, trying to share.  Yet I do believe we can use our no's appropriately and effectively to help our children develop skills such as self-reliance, self-discipline, respect, integrity and a host of other crucial character traits. Let’s learn to use our no’s wisely and calmly so we can strengthen and fortify our children, thus empowering their lives and futures.

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Blog

Apr 23, 2019

Two Lessons About The Wisdom and Wonder of Parenting - guest post by Chip Mattis

Apr 23, 2019

Apr 23, 2019

Mar 19, 2019

ASK LISA - How Do I Stop The Cycle of Anger?

Mar 19, 2019

Mar 19, 2019

Jan 29, 2019

Ask Lisa—What Do I do With A Daughter Who Is Out Of Control?

Jan 29, 2019

Jan 29, 2019

May 29, 2018

Four Ways Parents Can Minimize Stress While Maximizing Kids' Wellbeing

May 29, 2018

May 29, 2018

Feb 6, 2018

For Every Parent and Child Who Feels The Struggle of Being 'Raised Up'

Feb 6, 2018

Feb 6, 2018

Jun 27, 2017

How To Know When It’s Time For Your Millennial To Move Out

Jun 27, 2017

Jun 27, 2017

Jun 6, 2017

Six Steps Parents Can Take To Protect Their Teens From Porn

Jun 6, 2017

Jun 6, 2017

Apr 25, 2017

Four Life-Changing Reasons Children Need To Hear The Word “No”

Apr 25, 2017

Apr 25, 2017

Mar 21, 2017

How To Teach Your Child Respect – In This Political Climate

Mar 21, 2017

Mar 21, 2017

May 31, 2016

Six Myths About Being a Good Mom

May 31, 2016

May 31, 2016

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

The One Stress-Reducing Strategy That Is Guaranteed To Change Your Life

When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace.

~Author Unknown

I know. We like quick fixes. We like our pills.  We like anything we can passively do or take that will eliminate any amount of stress or anxiety in our lives.

However, there is a strategy that’s been around for ages that is proven to help lower our stress in minutes. It can be used anywhere, anytime. It’s free and, it comes without a prescription. It’s deep breathing.

Now most of you are rolling your eyes, conjuring images of pretzel-like yoga positions, or some kind of “New-Age” mumbo-jumbo. I know, I know. I thought that too, at first. But as someone with a long history of anxiety and panic disorder, deep breathing has given me back my life and empowered me to successfully deal with the stress life will always bring.

Deep breathing is our body’s internal thermostat, much like the thermostat in most of our homes. When our home’s temperature rises to a certain level, the air-conditioning kicks in and cools the home to its desired temperature. In a similar way, when our body’s internal temperature heats up, we can utilize deep breathing to lower the temperature inside our bodies to a more comfortable setting.

Science tells us that once we become stressed, our heart rate increases, sometimes dramatically.  Stress activates the sympathetic nervous system, increasing shallow, rapid breathing, which in turn raises our internal temperature. In contrast, slow, deep breathing actually stimulates the opposing parasympathetic reaction — the one that calms us down. “If you breathe correctly, your mind will calm down,” said Dr. Patricia Gerbarg, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at New York Medical College in a recent NY Times article.

Deep breathing targets the physical stress responses in our bodies and not only forces our heart rate to slow, but also helps our muscles to relax, keeping our brains both calm and connected. By slowing our heart rate, we lower our internal temperature and remain better able to productively reason through and find effective strategies to deal with any stressful situation. This is why deep breathing is the one proven strategy that is guaranteed to reduce your stress in minutes. So, here are some of the basics.

https://vimeo.com/202839108

1. Sitting upright or lying down, place your hands on your belly.
2. Slowly breathe in, expanding your belly, to the count of three.
3. Hold for a moment.
4. Slowly breathe out to the count of four.
5. The goal is to increase your breathing to a count of six. Practicing this for 10 to 20 minutes a day.

Practice this consistently, making sure that your breathing is deep from your belly rather than shallow, chest breathing, and you will discover a powerful tool that can be utilized anytime, anywhere, and in any situation. From the boardroom to the living room, from sitting at the dinner table to driving in the car, you can become intentional in your breathing and learn how to use deep breathing exercises to regulate your internal temperature and reduce stress.

If there is one tool that will increase your EI (emotional intelligence) and help you successfully manage life and relationships, deep breathing is that tool. Learn it. Practice it. Make it your “go-to” and you will find increased inner strength and greater peace.

[clickToTweet tweet="When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace. ~Author Unknown #PeaceForALifetime" quote="When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace. ~Author Unknown"]

Blessings,

Lisa

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About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

---

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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The One Thing Missing From The Conversation Over Immigration

And why it’s destroying any hope of unity for our nation 

I have read many things the past few days on social media. I have witnessed honest distress and confusion as well as mass hysteria and vitriolic rage at the recent executive order on immigration from the Middle East.

I have heard the question posed, What would Jesus do?

I’ve read quotes from the Statue of Liberty, Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore, denouncing any wall that would keep anyone from entering our great country.

I understand the heartache. I do. It is hard to know how to love well, where to serve, and what to give of ourselves to others. We all struggle to balance our responsibility to our families and our children with our great love and compassion to the least of these who are in desperate need in every corner of the globe.

How do we live out the Micah 6:8 command to, “Act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God?” Though it is a lifelong struggle, this is my guiding principle and the goal that I seek to model however imperfectly, and live out in my life.

Acting “justly” is defined by the King James Dictionary as, Conformity to law, justice or propriety; by right. The offender is justly condemned. The hero is justly rewarded, applauded or honored. 1. According to truth and facts. His character is justly described. 2. Honestly; fairly; with integrity; as, to do justly. 3. Properly; accurately; exactly. Mercy by definition implies, benevolence, tenderness, mildness, pity or compassion, and clemency, but exercised only towards offenders. Lastly, the term “humility” denotes, freedom from pride and arrogance; humbleness of mind; a modest estimate of one's own worth. In theology, humility consists in lowliness of mind; a deep sense of one's own unworthiness in the sight of God, self-abasement, penitence for sin, and submission to the divine will.

In this instance and in every situation in life, we will do well, we will find health as we seek to hold onto and pursue these three principles from Micah. Sadly, we live in a day of extremes. These extremes force us to believe the lie that if we hold one thing, that is the only virtue we can measure and pursue to the exclusion of all others. What is missing from our dialogue on immigration and on many other issues today is balance.

We are told often that if we are loving, we must only show love. We must cast aside any wisdom, any discernment, or justness. Likewise, we are taught that if we hold any virtues of truth, wisdom, etc., that we simply cannot be loving and compassionate, or show mercy to others. This is the great lie.

Dr. David Burns in his book “The Feeling Good Handbook,” a gold-standard in the field of psychology, discusses the danger of cognitive distortions and teaches individuals how to recognize and neutralize extreme “all-or-nothing”, “black-or-white” thoughts, as well as overgeneralizations, so that we can become balanced in our thinking and move forward in our lives in a non-reactive, thoughtful, productive way.

Not only do we use cognitive distortions in our perceptions of ourselves and the world around us, we use them in our perceptions of God as well. At times inclined to view the attribute of God we favor or with which we feel the most comfortable, we find ourselves ignoring or distorting the totality of God’s nature and His character.

We like to think of God as love. We feel comfortable with this attribute of His character, and indeed, He is love. Yet Scripture is clear, that God is also equally holy, just, merciful, and righteous. We cannot take Him or His character out of context and discover any truth, health, or wisdom for our lives.

The question becomes, Can we be loving, caring, compassionate individuals and have wise, thoughtful boundaries at the same time?

Is love and compassion mutually exclusive from wisdom and discernment?

Scripture commands us to be loving, to care for our neighbors, to serve the least of these. My prayer is that as Christ-followers we would lead the way in reaching out to be the hands and feet of Christ within our churches, our families, and our communities. I pray that we would move past the empty rhetoric we so widely hear from those around us who are first to protest and last to serve, first to riot and last to put their love into action; that we would live out the Great Commission because it is the call of our Master and we will do our best to serve Him faithfully.

I also pray that God would give us wisdom in equal measure, so that we will know where our love and compassion can be best utilized. I pray for discerning hearts and minds so that we can become passionate and purposeful in using our energies to serve others. I pray that we can know when our love isn’t loving, when our love has turned into enabling, or has become dangerous to others and ourselves.  I pray we would in all of our actions, find the place where justice, mercy, and humility can exist and grow together.

Resist the temptation to abandon one virtue in our fervor for another. Find balance in your thoughts and your emotions as you pursue justness, mercy, and humility.

Matthew 10:16 (KJV) tells us, Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove.

We can do both. We can hold the virtues of truth, justice, and wisdom together with love, mercy, and compassion. We can love wisely and well. We can. We must, if we are to find a path together, not only to heal the wounds of this great country, but to live out our life mission as Christ followers and spread the good news of salvation to every neighborhood and nation.

[clickToTweet tweet="We can hold the virtues of truth, justice, and wisdom together with love, mercy, and compassion." quote="We can hold the virtues of truth, justice, and wisdom together with love, mercy, and compassion."]

Blessings,

Lisa

---

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

---

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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Five Powerful Resolutions To Unlock Your Personal Best This Year

 Here we go again. It’s only been a few weeks into this new year and I’ve been inundated with an onslaught of goals, expectations, and resolutions I should have for myself this coming year. Social media has bombarded me with posts about every program for weight loss, finances, wellness, speaking, writing, and relationships that promise me guaranteed success in just three easy steps and three easy payments.

How many of us have made heartfelt resolutions, set lofty goals in the early hours of the new year that we’ve never really gotten around to, eventually given up on, and somehow forgotten until next year rolls around and we find ourselves trying to remember what resolutions we made in the first place? Has anyone else had enough? I have.

Please forgive me, but I don’t want any more resolutions this year. I don’t need another weight on my shoulders. I can’t take the pressure, the guilt, or the remorse for what I didn’t do, didn’t accomplish, perhaps didn’t even remember.

What I am recognizing is that what I need most is quiet space. I need less pressure and more solitude. I need to exhale and to learn how to settle into each moment with more ease. I need to be a little more gentle with the broken parts of myself that are still healing and growing. I need more down time to re-teach the child in me how to dream, how to re-imagine the world, and how to color outside the lines. Perhaps I need to be reminded that indeed, it is okay to color outside the lines.

Somehow I think we all feel like the busyness of life is becoming too much. What we need most are not more resolutions, but more ways we can become un-burdened, un-ashamed, un-stressed, and un-afraid. So here are a few things I’m doing to push back from the pressure and make this year the year of un-resolutions.

1. Un-schedule yourself.

Take one thing off of your calendar each week. Find one chore, responsibility, errand, or meeting that you can remove from your schedule. Trust me, you’ll live even if the classroom cookies don’t get baked, if the house doesn’t get vacuumed, or the phone call doesn’t get returned right then.

We are all over-leveraged and over-scheduled. We are drowning in a sea of ‘musts.’ Pick something you can remove and begin to simplify and un-clutter your life.

2. Un-commit your children.

Find one activity, birthday party, or seasonal sport you can remove from your children’s schedule. Just say no. It’s easy, try it. Your kids won’t die. They won’t be rejected from Harvard.  

Your entire family will actually benefit from a simpler schedule that’s not so jam-packed. Everyone will experience less stress, less anxiety, and less depression.  Each family member can relax into a purposeful pace that allows them to define and nurture their natural talents as well as their highest priorities.

3. Un-attach technology.

Find pockets of time where you choose not to pick up your phone or tablet in order to mindlessly scroll through your favorite social media. Instead, breathe, and notice the scenery around you. Be mindful. Find peace in the silence.

When you feel the impulse to pick up your technology, simply make a choice not to. Notice how it feels. Create a sacred space where your heart and your mind can let go and recharge.

[clickToTweet tweet="Create a sacred space where your heart and your mind can let go and recharge. #peaceforalifetime" quote="Create a sacred space where your heart and your mind can let go and recharge."]

4. Un-plug the noise.

Have the family practice thirty minutes of silence every day. No television, no technology. Little ones can play quietly with toys or color. Older children can read, explore outdoors, or paint. Adults can enjoy a quiet moment with a cup of tea, find time to pray, take a walk, contemplate, or journal.

Everyone in the family benefits from being freed from their addiction to technology, music, and other external stimuli. Developing the ability to connect with ourselves, our environment, and our family members would not only strengthen communication and relationship skills, it would fundamentally enhance creativity and build core emotional resilience needed to successfully manage the pressures of day-to-day life.

5. Un-leash your faith.

Do something meaningful to engage your faith. Lean in. Surrender. Develop a relationship with God that you’ve been putting off or avoiding. Stop trying to live life being your own superhero. The truth is, you can’t.

Allow God to step in and rescue you. Let Him carry your heaviest burden and heal your deepest wound. Cultivate moments of joy and gratitude. Invest in love. Growing a deep connection with God will unleash a supernatural power and peace in every area of your life.

[clickToTweet tweet="Growing a deep connection with God will unleash a supernatural power and peace in every area of your life. " quote="Growing a deep connection with God will unleash a supernatural power and peace in every area of your life."]

What might happen if we all resisted the urge to grind out more resolutions this year and embraced a few of these “un-resolutions?” I believe we might just breathe better, live freer, and find more strength, more passion, and more hope than we could ever imagine.

Have you ever tried any of these “un-resolutions?” What kind of impact did it have on you or your family’s life? I’d love to hear!

Blessings,

Lisa

About Lisa

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, coffee lover, and wife. My online community lisamurrayonline.com provides a compassionate place in the midst of the stresses and struggles of life. At heart, I am just a Southern girl who loves beautiful things, whether it is the beauty of words found in a deeply moving story, the beauty of a meal cooked with love, the beauty of a cup of coffee with a friend, or the beauty seen in far away landscapes and cultures. I have fallen passionately in love with the journey and believe it is among the most beautiful gifts to embrace and celebrate. While I grew up in the Florida sunshine, I live with my husband just outside Nashville in Franklin, TN.

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Facebook: Lisa Murray

Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

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Why Emotional Abundance Is a Powerful Key To Lasting Peace

 For most of my life I felt anything but abundant. I was exhausted trying to be everything for everybody. I was obsessed with winning other’s approval. I was terrified of rejection. I was demanding and critical of myself. I could never speak my thoughts and feelings and I did my very best to avoid any conflict that came my way. At the end of the day, I was scraping the bottom of the barrel. There was nothing abundant about that!

Just because I was raised in the church and was a passionate follower of Christ, that didn’t mean I was whole on the inside. The truth was, I was an emotional wreck.

For so many years, I sat in church and listened to amazing sermons by profoundly gifted pastors. Yet somewhere in the deepest shadows of me, what I could believe for so many others, I could not believe for myself. Other people could be whole, but that must not be for me. No amount of study, prayer, or faith ever seemed to glue together what was terribly broken inside.

If you’ve ever felt exhausted, empty, hopelessly scraping the bottom of the barrel, too, God has so much more in store for you! God longs for you to experience peace. “Peace” in Hebrew refers to wholeness, completeness, safety, soundness, and fullness. God wants us to be whole —physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I Thessalonians 5:23-24 (NLT) states, Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.

Here is an excerpt from my new book, Peace For a Lifetime, that shares the importance of Emotional Abundance and how we can begin building a life of abundance and peace.

Emotional Abundance, therefore, can be described as the over-sufficient supply, the overflowing fullness in the area of our instinctive, intuitive, feeling responses as we come in contact with our environment and our relationships. EA is the ability to feel our emotions, to reason through our emotions, to understand our emotions, and to effectively manage our emotions so we can appropriately respond to the people and circumstances around us. EA is the capacity to meet the demands of everyday life and create meaning in order to move forward in a positive direction. We can experience Emotional Abundance in our relationship with God, in our relationship with ourselves, and also in our relationships with others.

I like these definitions. EA means that I am not a helpless victim of my emotions; nor am I required to be cut-off from my emotions. I can experience abundance in my emotions!

Some studies have shown that EQ or Emotional Quotient has been determined to play a more powerful role in our success (as much as 80%), while IQ (Intellectual Quotient) has been shown to determine only about 20% of success. How we learn to deal with our emotions determines more about our overall success in life than the grades we got in school or the degree we earned from college. 5

In his book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman says, "People with well- developed emotional skills are also more likely to be content and effective in their lives, mastering the habits of the mind that foster their own productivity; people who cannot marshal some control over their emotional life fight battles that sabotage their ability for focused work and clear thought."6

Emotional Abundance also has a direct impact on our physical health. Experts agree that over eighty percent of our health problems are stress-related. When we don’t know how to manage and reduce the stress in our lives, our physical health will suffer.

Our relationships are positively affected by Emotional Abundance as well. The more we are able to feel, understand, and manage our emotions, the better able we are to express them in a healthy way to the people around us. Whether at work or in our personal lives, our relationships will flourish as we are able to be with and listen to another person’s perspective in order to work through conflicts or disagreements.

In addition, Emotional Abundance can have a great impact on our spiritual lives. To be with, listen to, quiet ourselves with, and find meaning in our relationship with God will not only strengthen our spiritual lives, but will make our spiritual lives abound to overflowing.

Don’t abounding and overflowing sound better than exhausted and empty? That kind of life is not out of reach. It’s not something just for others. That kind of abundance is not only powerful, it is possible!

I share simple, practical, life steps in my book, Peace For a Lifetime, that can help you understand the life God desires for you. This material can help you create and experience an indestructible peace – not just for today, not just for tomorrow, you can experience peace…for a lifetime!

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5 John Chancellor, http://johnchancellor.hubpages.com/hub/Why-Emotional- Intelligence-is-More-Important-Than-IQ

6 Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence (New York: Bantam Books, 1995).