When Grief Feels Like A Forever Good Friday

Sorrow . . . turns out to be not a state but a process, 

 It needs not a map but a history. _C. S. Lewis

I stumbled onto dry bones. There’s a wasteland of them, and at times they still overwhelm my heart.

Months and even years can pass while I stay far away from the path that leads me there, to the empty place.  But one word, one moment, one look can steal my heart away from its present calm and drop me right in the middle of this desolate graveyard.

My family is on a healing journey, and it’s forcing me to open the door to a pain I thought I could escape.  It turns out I can’t.

Grief , it seems, can feel like a forever Good Friday. The terror of the night sky that drapes the midday sun —the tears, the guilt, at times the numb indifference— how they rip a heart from top to bottom, all in a singular exhale.  Sorrow unmercifully crushes the soft confines of the soul and crumbles hope into a thousand tiny clumps of clay. Right before my eyes.

My soul cries out…

How do I let go?

How can I run away from this place?

Will life ever feel safe again?

What could I have done to prevent this pain?

These are the things that spill through the cracks in my heart.

I wonder if that’s what Mary Magdalene felt on that day —that Good Friday when her world fell apart, when everything that was Truth and Life was lifted on two rough-hewn pieces of timber and there was nothing she could do to stop it? Nothing she could do to silence the sound of nails piercing flesh. Nothing she could do to lift Him up for one more gasp of air.  Nothing.

Grief is the emotional realization that life will never be the same from this moment forward.  It is the helpless struggle to accept that there is nothing we can change or control.  It is our heart’s final surrender to loss. CLICK TO TWEET

Jesus knows the pain of grief and anguish.  He knows precisely the darkness of Good Friday —how walking towards God’s plan didn’t quell the agony, didn’t calm the fear, didn’t right the wrongs of injustice, didn’t prevent the exhaustion, the dread, the total destruction of body and soul.  Each step He took towards the cross.  His death.

And sometimes I can get stuck right there.  I don’t want to but I do.  I can get stuck in the pain of my present circumstances.  I can cling to my sorrows and drag them behind me as my cross. I can crave them as familiar companions to protect my heart from risking again.  I can keep them close to numb myself from moving forward into the unknown —alone.  

There are three things to remember when your grief seems like a forever Good Friday:

Good Friday visits each of us.  

Ann Voskamp declares, Life is loss.  Life on this earth will always be accompanied by death —physical death and emotional death.

Jesus knew his Good Friday was coming.  He had lived preparing for it His whole life, yet it didn’t make His suffering any easier. In the Garden of Gethsemane, He offered, Not my will, but Yours be done (Matt 26:39, NIV) In surrendering to God’s plan, He tells each of us that we too can surrender to our grief, we can accept the cup of suffering knowing He is with us every step of the way.  Understanding that He knows perfectly what it means to be broken.  Spilled out.  Empty. CLICK TO TWEET

Don’t try to hide from the pain of grief, don’t try to get around it.  You will never escape it.  Grief is the medicine God uses to heal the loss-disease that infects the most vulnerable places in our hearts.  Healing happens in hard places.  CLICK TO TWEET

The sky will feel black as night.  The thunder will terrify the uncertain tremors in your heart.  You will feel as if hope will never rise again…

But it will.

Good Friday’s don’t last forever.

Even in death, God prepares life.  As I learn to expose my fragile, wounded self and accept the cold discomfort of living outside my knowing, God is always right here waiting— waiting to comfort me, waiting to hold me, waiting to feel the sorrow with me.  

I hear Him as He whispers quietly,

Hold on.

Stay close.

I’m not going anywhere.

You’re safe here. CLICK TO TWEET

I wonder if Jesus whispered those words from the cross to Mary Magdalene that Good Friday?  I wonder if He was comforting her as He gave Himself for her?  I wonder if she felt His presence with her on her road to Sunday?

Your grief will groan for a season.  There is no time schedule, no tempo that is dictated to you, even if others need you to hurry along.  God never needs you to hurry along.  He waits patiently with you while you heal.  

He knows…

Easter is on the horizon.

Whatever is pressing within us, whatever sorrow has been exposed bone and marrow, grief will always leads us to the tomb.  Like Mary Magdalene that Easter morning, in the midst of her pain—searching, seeking her Rabbi, her Friend, her Messiah.  She could not have felt, she couldn’t have believed the tomb was empty.  She could never have comprehended that Easter had arrived.  Death had been defeated.  Her salvation had come.  A new season with new life and new hope had been born. CLICK TO TWEET

Right in the middle of a graveyard.  There— in a sea of dry bones.

And all our present pain, all of our brokenness and suffering, all the losses, perhaps all our darkest moments, become places where we can see Him the clearest.  I don’t know about you, but I can. I can see Him around me working and moving.  I see Him raising up dry bones in you and me.  I see Him moving in our midst —reclaiming hopes and hearts, families and dreams.  

He is our Sunday morning.  He is our resurrection hope.  He’s the healing for our wounded hearts.

Good Fridays can seem like forever…

But Easter Sunday is coming!

---

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

My Prayer for 2019 – How To Hope For Things That Feel Hopeless

It was that dreaded sound —the sound of hope giving way to defeat. The ache right in the center of your chest when a dream flies away before your eyes and no amount of chasing can bring it back within your grasp.  

Sometimes it is easier to give up hope than to hold on to something that brings with it such pain and uncertainty.  It seems easier to let it go, to let life go and accept defeat.  We wonder why we hope anyway?  But at times when hope seems like a cruel joke meant to terrorize the tender shoots of vision, of vulnerability, of boldness struggling to find some light, hope reminds me that there is no cruelty here.  The gift of hope becomes rain poured over cracked, broken dreams, that somehow forces life to break through the soil and find their way towards the sun.

Hope is an anchor

Hope keeps me anchored and rooted, not to my dreams, but to Him.  Though my dreams can be uncertain and faithful, He alone is faithful.  The goals for my life cannot provide peace or strength or sustenance on this sometimes desolate journey.  Only God can provide any semblance of peace. Strength. 

Hope alone calms me, calls me, reminds me of my core identity as Lisa, the Beloved of her Father. Hope holds all things —my tears, my sorrows, my deepest cravings for things I feel I cannot live without. Hope holds my past, my present, and my future.  

So when your hope has run dry, when the mountain ahead seems insurmountable, go ahead, jump in the game, climb on His back.  He’s got this big old thing called life.  Yeah, He’s got it right in the palm of his hands.

I’ve tried it so many times without Him.  There have been days that I sat and told Him, yes I looked Him right in the eyes and told Him I wanted to do things my way.  But my way has always led me right back here.  Usually exhausted.  Defeated. Hope-less.

So where is there left to run to?  I’m either all-in this “hope thing” or I’m all-out.  And I’ve got to be in.  

The truth is, none of us knows what lies ahead.  We don’t know if or when we’re going to see the tiny visions we’ve carried for so long in our hearts burst forth and see the light of day.  We don’t.  In this life there are no guarantees.  Like my daddy used to tell me, the only thing that’s guaranteed is death and taxes.  I didn’t know then how right he was.

Hope would be easier to hold if it had a date on our calendar or a place on the map.  Easier to believe if someone whispered the answer in your ears. But hope isn’t a location, I’ve come to learn the hard way. Hope isn’t a destination —Hope is a person.  

We can keep telling ourselves that hope will come tomorrow, or we can start living with Hope today. Choosing Hope right here, right now. Wherever you are.  Whatever you face.

Choosing Hope

What are you choosing today? Are you choosing doubt, despair, fear, paralysis?  Are you choosing isolation, loneliness?

Or are you choosing Hope? Will you leave behind the cynical voice inside your head that tells you that nothing good happens for you?  Will you uncross the arms of distance that keeps you safe from stepping into your future and taking the risk of going all-in —no safety net underneath you, no guarantees for success?  

Will you open your heart and remember that Hope isn’t some elusive thing out there.  Hope is right here —inside your heart.  Hope is the place you start from, not the place you end. Hope hopes —in all things, for all things.  Because Hope hung on a cross and died for our wounds, our transgressions, our most broken places….Hope endures, comes alive, is a promise for all of us.

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13 (NIV)

Yeah, I heard that dreaded sound.  I felt that familiar ache in my chest. And I chose Hope anyway.

What will you choose?

---

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

www.lisamurrayonline.com

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Four Things We Can Do To Fight Back Against Violence and Evil

I see the images. Kids walking single file. Hands grasping the shoulders in front of them.  

I want to run to them, protect them, comfort them in their fear. Tell them they are safe, they are loved in the middle of this horrific and seemingly God-forsaken world.

The hands raised on their way to safety are just a symbol of the hands that were raised as a sacrifice for our safety. Our salvation. And yeah, the same evil that tried to destroy these treasures of ours in a school building, tried to destroy the treasure of heaven —that carpenter who came and loved, and served, and gave—everything of Himself.

Sometimes it feels like evil wins, like hope has given up her last breath.

Will  we allow fear to conquer us? Do we furrow our treasures and hope that evil passes us by as it swoons in the dead of night?

What do we do as Christ-followers in response to evil in this world? We do what Jesus taught us to do:

When we feel like hating, we choose to love.

We humbly remember that though we deserved to be hated for the scabs that cover our own sin-disease, we were loved right there in our brokenness.

He never hated us into eternity. God's fierce, roaring love invaded our hate-filled souls and extracted us from our darkest calamity. He snatched us out of hell by lovingly trading it for a temporary hell of His own.

Because He loved us so well, so we choose to love others.

John 15:12 (ESV) - This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

When we feel like closing ourselves in, we reach out.

We reach out because if we don’t, darkness wins. We reach out because we as Christians are the light of the world.

When tragedy strikes and fear sets in, our first instinct is to huddle down within the safe confines of our tremored distrust. We forget we have this hope buried down deep that should rise up big inside. That should make us both brave and bold to live, to love, to give others the light that once transformed our dim, shadowed souls.

We have the Light that can rescue the world from darkness.

Matthew 5:14-16 (ESV) —You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

When we feel like clasping judgment in the palms of our hands, we forgive.

Judgment will never give us the satisfaction we desire. It will only simmer into bitterness until it boils as a fomenting rage within our hearts.

As we stand in the circle surrounding the accused one, we silently ask ourselves if we will be the first to cast a stone of judgment —this hard, violent, death without hope of repentance. Or will we remember that it was God in His great love for us who saw us in our damnable condition, and forgave the unforgivable?

We forgive because we have been forgiven.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV) —Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.

When we feel like abandoning hope, we never let go.

Because just when we think that it has given up the ghost, hope breathes again…anyway. Yeah, the dark couldn’t keep away the light, and the grave could not win this ferocious, heavenly battle. And hope is a gift that only One could give and none can take away.

Hebrews 10:23 (NIV) — Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

So I remind myself that the same evil that tried to destroy these treasures of ours in a school building, tried to destroy the treasure of heaven —that carpenter who came and loved, and served, and gave—everything of Himself.

Love won. And on the darkest day when evil threatens to steal the day, love will always win.

---

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with myself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891

Because Sometimes The Most Beautiful Things Spring From The Deadest Places

Sometimes the most beautiful things spring from the deadest places. A few weeks back my husband and I were attending a celebration of life service for a family friend. The service was everything beautiful and sacred, allowing us to pause for a moment and savor the words expressed over a life well-lived, a heart well-loved.

A mixture of emotions ebbed and flowed inside of me, as each refrain expressed another shade of sorrow mixed with reverence, with love, with sadness— sadness for the husband minus his soul mate, his wife; sadness for the lonely little one sitting in the wings with his friends. This sort of occasion purges from the shallowest of depths the most melancholy and tender emotions. A catharsis of sorts.

It began as nothing really, until it was something. I sat quietly watching the family pour in, ever so stately, solemnly as they took their seats. It was just one glimpse, one look that sent me reeling. In an instant a lightning bolt of anguish, anger, dare I say hatred, coursed through me. I had no idea. It had been so long ago, the pain, so old, I thought it had healed, had passed, had dissipated from the inside out. I thought.

But in an instant, my brokenness was exposed, my wound revealed in the most irreverent and untimely of ways. I exhaled, trying to rid myself of this lingering pain. To no avail.

This pang stirred inside my belly, right underneath the surface of my knowing, until a few days later as I sat in another pew, a Sunday morning pew, listening to another sermon. This sermon was about life and faith, and all sorts of truths that I forever try to stuff inside my heart to carry me, strengthen me for another day. But on this day, as I was listening, I heard the pastor say, But above all else guard your heart.(Proverbs 4:23, NIV) It hit me again.

Was He speaking to me? Was this one of those moments of revelation, of conviction, of healing, when He reaches into the deepest places in my heart to reveal His truth? For me, it was.

Somehow, years ago I had picked up an offense. I had let it steal into the corners of my heart and plant itself in the most loathsome of ways. I wasn’t even aware. On that day, my heart revealed its unholy alliance with an offense and my spirit heaved a terrible grief.

The Gift of Conviction

We will all as Believers have moments like this on our journeys, when God steps into our routine and shines His light on the dimmest, most forgotten places in our hearts that need to be healed. He speaks life and conviction, using the most tender of measures to sanctify us through and through.

I love how God never finishes with our transformation. He is never satisfied to leave us soaking in our sin. His love for us knows no end.

Romans 2:4 (NLT) shares God’s heart toward His children and their sin, Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?

Still, the one thing we can trust about our Abba Father more than anything is that just as He would leave His flock to find the one lost sheep, no matter where we are, He will find us. He will convict us, teach us, heal us, and make us new. He will never leave us in the pit. His conviction is life-giving in that the gift of repentance removes the sin that has become a cancer in our souls. The gift of repentance restores our relationship. It forms God’s character in us. Sets us free.

2 Corinthians 7:10 (NIV) states that, Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.

The Blessing of Repentance

C.H. Spurgeon says of conviction,

A true physician makes incisions only in order to effect cures, and a wise minister excites painful emotions in men’s minds only with the distinct object of blessing their souls.

And isn’t that what Easter is all about? The weight of sins that hangs heavy on our shoulders is all at once swallowed up in light, in life, in eternity, in redemption. This great salvation is for all because Jesus bore it all. ALL.

I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins.Isa. 43:25 (NIV)

He wipes them clean. Our hearts, our lives. He forgives. He scrubs our souls with the blood of the Lamb so that now we can stand spotless.

All we have to do is repent and confess. Such little things in the grand scheme of life.

To turn away from death, and reach toward life.

Sometimes the most beautiful things spring from the deadest places.

What is God revealing in your heart that He wants to heal?  How can you begin today to embrace His gift of conviction, repent, and reach towards new life in Him?

---

Blog

Nov 21, 2017

How To Find Thanksgiving In The Middle Of Your Pain

Nov 21, 2017

Nov 21, 2017

Jun 14, 2016

What To Do When Bad Things Happen and We’re Rocked To The Core

Jun 14, 2016

Jun 14, 2016

Apr 15, 2016

When You Feel Like God Has Forgotten The Desires Of Your Heart

Apr 15, 2016

Apr 15, 2016

Aug 25, 2015

How the Power of Grieving Prepares Us To Dance

Aug 25, 2015

Aug 25, 2015

About This Community

Don't we all want a little peace?  My heart for this community is to provide just that - a needed refuge from all the burdens that weigh us down, some encouragement and inspiration to keep us weary travelers moving forward on our journeys, and some practical advice to help each of us navigate the challenges of life and relationships.  Whether in our parenting, our marriages, our faith, or the broken places in our hearts, this place is for anyone who dares to reach beyond the hopelessness that surrounds us and embrace a lifestyle of emotional abundance and peace!  

About Peace for a Lifetime

In my new book, Peace for a Lifetime, I share the keys to cultivating a life that’s deeply rooted, overflowing, and abundant, the fruit of which is peace. Through personal and professional experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I've discovered how to take the broken pieces of life and find indestructible peace with herself, God and with others. Through my story and other’s stories you’ll realize that you can experience the life for which you long. You can experience abundance beyond anything you can imagine. You can experience peace, not just for today, not just for tomorrow. You can experience peace —for a lifetime!

Peace for a Lifetime is available on Amazon.com.

Book Trailer: https://vimeo.com/155392891